LINDSAY LOHAN'S EMACIATION PROCLAMATION

CHECK OUT MY NEW COMIC, BITCHES!!!@!

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:11:00 +0000

I've always wanted to do this.....

NICOLE RITCHIE IS ALMOST PERFECT

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 00:38:00 +0000

This is what normal is to me. While Nicole Ritchie still a little bit big in the tighs, she's getting pretty damn place to being perfect. Maybe once she see's these photos she'll notice that she still has a little chunk to lose. Nothing makes you realize how fat you are like 10+ photos of yourself running on the beach.

Check out more of these photos right here...

DEAR MORGAN CREEP FREAKING DOUCHE BAG

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 18:10:00 +0000

Dearest Morgan Creep Executive,

I don't know what to say about your recent letter that was hand delivered to my current residency in the John Bulsushi Suite at The Shato Marmont in Hollywood. How dare you say that I'm acting like a spoiled little brat for not showing up for work? How dare you say that I'm acting incourteious to the other actresses in the movie? Do you not realize that it was as hot as a sweaty buck crack this week? Do you like it when your the hair on your talent looks like a wet pair of boxers that have been collecting ball sweat all day? I don't think so. I was not partying like you wrote...I was inside my suite....sick as a dog from all the heat! It is HOT out there! Do I need to repeat myself because I think I just did because it's SO FREAKING HOT OUTSIDE!!!!

And you know what..Mr. Morgan Creep. I think YOUR BEING a spoiled brat. "OH LOOK AT ME! I'M MISTER STUDIO EXECTUTIVE! I'M 70-YEARS-OLD AND I'M ABOUT TO DIE! MY NUTS ARE SHRIVILED!!! OH I'M SO COOL! WATCH ME MAKE MOVIES!"

I hate you. It's Hollywood Execs like you that make this whole town evil. So what if the talent wants to party because it's so freaking hot outside and she doesn't show up to work and instead chills out and does some drugs. That's what we do. And what should you do? Shut up like the ass-sucking movie exec that you are and treat your talent like Hollywood's ever treated them. Like we're awesome. Because we are...

Love & Laxatives,

LL

NOW WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO SNORT COCAINE OFF MY FLAT STOMACH?

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 22:28:00 +0000

So I was at Ari's house the other day for party and someone's like, can I take a few pictures of you, and I'm "I don't know" and then they're like, "Oh come on, you look beatiful" and I was like "You're right!" so I did, I posed, and the result is that I know now what I assume I always knew but was to afraid to come right out and say it for fear of being labelled a bragger.

I am one hot piece of ass.

There...although that's embarrassing, isn't it!?! Doesn't sound like me I think! I just never thought I was a bragger!

If anything I hope this latest improntu amateur-porn like suit will make people believe that I am healthy again. I am looking good. I'm not "tooo" skinny. I'm fit. I'm strong. My breasts are just about back and I'm ready to get my career back on track and stop all this bickering with all these young diva rich girls. Yes, I'm talking to you Paris. Yes, Ashely...my freckles are pointing in your raggedy ass direction. I'm willing to call a truce if you are...let's just act like adults here and move on with our lives.

Oh, btw: what do you think of this bathing suit? I kinda like the beige color. A friend of mine said it looks kind of vomity. I dunno? Does it? I think it's great, espec if you're going for that see thru kinda look. Look nude w/o being nude! RFLOMA!?!?

More good news! I've hooked up with Regan Publishing and I'm now going to write a diet book! It's called Back From the Brink: One Actress' Rollercoaster Ride from Hollywood to The Bathroom and Back, due in stores in the Fall probably. It's kinda of gonna be a little personal and embarrassing...so don't laugh...I just think if you're gonna write anything these days it has to be personal and meaningful...kind of like this blog write? Us celebrities are always told to watch what we say and do. We're managed. We have people telling us where do go, what movies to take, what interviews to give. You'd think they'd be managing our bathroom schedules, too. No more. No one's getting involved in this book but me. No ghost writers here.

Me.

Lohan.

Naked. Before the World.

To Put Down Here What Should Be Left to Say Come Time After Death.

Love Ya Bitches,

LL

SEE, DON'T I LOOK DAMN GOOD?

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 22:39:00 +0000

Breaking news...my boobs are looking damn good these days. Dontcha think?

MY NAME IS LINDSAY LOHAN...

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 17:06:00 +0000

And I am a Bulimic. I am drug abuser. I am ashma sufferer. I am currently "resting comfortably" after a visit to a Miami Hospital.

I know I haven't been posting here in awhile. That's only because I've been in recovery every since Lorne Michael became my knight in shining armor and held a an intervention for me after I hosted Saturday Night Live. Let me tell you something, nothing is more sobering than the entire cast of SNL confronting you because of your health issues. These people know how to party. Tina Fey? I hear that before every show she snorts cocaine off a Amy Poehlers' ass in her dressing room. Horatio Sans? The guy weighs as much as Chris Farely's double chins. At first I thought that the intervention was a joke, but then I remembered that SNL hasn't really been that funny these past couple years.

They were serious. They told me I had a problem. They said I had no arms. They said that it was strange that I was running to the bathroom between ever skit. Laxatives are a bitch.

So I'm coming clean. I ditching my old ways. I'm forgetting Wilmer. I'm forgetting my Dad. I'm forgetting that I sh***ty album. T

That was the old Lindsay Lohan. The skinny, boobless, gastric-intestinal-fluid-tooth-rot Lindsay Lohan.

I want to eat healthy. I want to party less, spend more time with my family. You can call these New Year's Resoultions if you want...I just call them My Saving Grace.

It's funny. I go back and read what I've written here this past 6 months -- the leg scratching...the drug abuse...the suicidal thoughts...the angry rants...

Didn't people see this? Couldn't somebody just come up to me and hit me on the head and say, "Lindsay...WAKE UP!"

But that's what happens when you're famous I guess. People just expect you to be fine. People think you're all right, all the time. People think you're so cool.

So when they see you come on set all coked out of your mind and barely able to stand up, they just think....well that's the way they are....we're already paying her 5 million dollars...she on a billboard on sunset so she must have it all under control...

My life has been a hurricane and I'm only now realizing it. I've hurt a lot of people. I've hurt a lot of fans. I've lied. I've cheated. I've been a wreck and I never cared.

But I care now. I want to set this all straight. I want to be open. I want little girls to pick up a magazine and say, Mommy...I really respect Linday Lohan...

I hope to someday respect myself enough to think the same...

WE ALL DO IT

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 17:49:00 +0000

If Kate Moss showed the world that pretty people snort lots of cocaine to remain sexy and skinny, they should also know that we take lots and lots of other stuff...one of them is my favorite way to lose weight...laxatives! Once you take a laxative, the poo just shoots out your ass like a chocolaty waterfull...the feeling is....dare I say....replenishing and erotic. I love my liquid laxatives....they're wonderful.

And from the looks of it...so does my friend Rachel Hunter.

I AM GETTING FAT

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Thu, 22 Sep 2005 22:29:00 +0000

So I decide to stop snorting cocaine for a week and this is what happens to me!??! It looks like I have a triple cheesburger for a chin! It's off to the gym, and then to Kate Moss ex-drug dealer!

HOLD THE CHEESE

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 15:36:00 +0000

Sometimes I hate myself,
Sometimes I want to shave myself
my wrists
Sometimes I want to bleed
just so I can feel real,
Sometimes I'm a star, and I feel like a star,
but if they knew me, that I go home and stare in the mirror,
that I bend over a toilet,
and vomit all of the night into the water,
if they knew what I knew,
that to 'fake it' is easier than acting,
that 'wishing it away' is what i do..
when i'm signing autographs,
when i'm holding an award,
when i'm soaking in the sun,
when i'm driving in my benz,
when i'm alone at night,

Oh Katie Moss,
they've figured us out
Sharp razor blades have a couple uses and I use them all.
I snort straight,
I cut my legs straight,
In front of the cameras, I act straight.
Then why does my mind not feel 'straight'?

SUMMER IS SKINNY, TOURISTS ARE FAT

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Wed, 14 Sep 2005 19:11:00 +0000

Here is a great picture that illustrates my point about how everyone should try to look skinny. (click the pic to enlarge) Look at Rachel Bilson here...she stars in The O.C. Now look at those fat cows standing next to her. Makes you want to kill yourself right? Well, instead of killing yourself, just stick your fat finger down your throat and vomit all over your feet. Then maybe -- MAYBE -- you'll look as good as Rachel. Me and her are going to be such BFFs. I just know it. She's skinny. I'm skinny. We both like to make fun of big fat cows (like those fat whores in the picture).

Matter fact...I'm gonna give Rach a call right now. She's MY thinspiration.

Love & Laxatives,

-L.LO

p.s. thanks for liquidgeneration's suck my blog for the pic! that slippy jenkins is soooo hot!

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 15:55:00 +0000

You know, I've been watching all this Hurricane Coverage, like we all have, and with all those reports of people not getting a drink of water or anything to eat...I just have to say...what's the BIG FRICKIN' DEAL?

I go, like, DAYS AND WEEK, without eating a single thing. Last winter when I went on my LA SUPER FAST I swear to god that I was pooing air bubbles out of my ass. Nothing feels better. And now I turn on the television and this people are crying about how nobody's delivering them food or water....please people. Over half of you are terribly obese any. I've never seen so many fat people trapped on roofs in my life. I'm kind of wondering with all those people evacuating NOLA, that there wasn't an earthquake to. The stampead should have cause at least a 7.2 on the ricktor scale. And how about those people trapped on the roofs? Why couldn't they just swim away? Or better yet, float their fat asses to higher shore. I'm so sick of fat people waiting for everyone to do something for them...where's the initiative!!!!!!

Despite these people being cry babies, I'm thinking of donating some money. It's the least I can do. But not to the Red Cross. Maybe Jenny Craig. Does she have a Hurricane Relief Fund for All The FatAss On The Roofs Who Can't Escape Because They're Too Freakin' Fat? I hope so. I don't want to have to buy 100,000 Rockin' To The Oldies DVDs.

One thing's for sure, I won't be getting crunked in NOLA any time soon...which is a shame because Tara and I were planning to go there soon and get blitzed-to-the-tits wasted on Margaritas and flash our boobies, or what's left of mine.

How I miss my boobies.

I'll bring'em back for you someday.

-L.LO

JESSICA SIMPSON IS A FATASS DITZ

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 17:09:00 +0000

Okay, first off all I'm not sorry for my little political rant the other day. If you guys can't handle the fact that George W. Bush is killing Arab Babies with his bare hands and wiping their blood all over his face, while laughing, then you can just stop going to this site. Whatever.

But down to the real reason why I'm posting, have seen Jessica Simpson lately?

Did somebody stuff a birthday cake down her face? How fat can one actress get? First of all, it looks like two obese midgets crawled into her boobs and refuse to leave. And her waist? How many miles around is that? Jesus H. Christ, Jessica, you've let yourself go and it isn't pretty. Maybe you're eating so much because your getting a divorce from that boyband fag? Jeeeeeeeezzzzzz......

People, if you want to loose weight just look at pictures of fat asses. Jessica Simpson is now one of them.

WEIGHTLOSS, DIATRIBE, FREEDOM

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Tue, 02 Aug 2005 13:59:00 +0000

Attention all you fatass girls who want to look like me,

I am happy to announce that I am now wearing a Size -8. You know those bottles with the ships inside? Well, I can now fit my ass -- as well as the rest of my body -- into one of those with no problem. My ass is as small as a 9-month old baby. I am frickin hot! It's like I actually look like a cigarette! How many of you guys want to smoke me!@!? ROTFL!!!!!

So how are you all doing? I see that most of ya'll are still ripping each other to shreds in the comments section of the blog. That's good to hear, because it's not like world peace is important or anything, or that people are blowing themselves up in the streets of Iraq, London, Afganistan or anything. It's not like our President has sent a million of our kids to some foreign country to kill innocent civilians or anything. No, not at all. It's not like America is being run by the Greedy Corporate Christian Dollar or anything and that most of the people in the Red States eat babies for breakfast. It's not like Dick Cheney is the anti-christ or anthing...no...no...we're just fine here. America is just fine. No, we'll just sit back here while America fights their oil war....just sit back and watch TV, right. Is that all you're going to do?

My name is Lindsay Lohan and I am ashamed to be American.

In 1986, during the first Gulf War, I remember sitting at home watching the bombs reign down on Baghdad on Fox News and thinking: What kind of President uses violence to earn piece? What kind of President sits before the American people and tells them that it's important to free the people in the Middle East, and then drob bombs on their heads. On babies' heads. What kind of man does this?

If there is any reason to kill innocent civilians, it's over the things that really affect us: global warming, fair trade, vegetarianism, abortion rights. Not over oil, or to "free the people" as they say. Like those people wearing the scarfs over their heads are really desperate for freedom. I don't even think that Freedom is actually a word in the Middle East. They don't know what it means, so they don't really car. They've been ignorant for years, and I bet most of them or happy for it. Ignorance is bliss, right?

So sorry about this rambling. I;m just so angry...so angry at the complacency in this world...angry that people don't stand up to things. And I'm not happy that I've not been standing up...

So now I'm standing up....

So now I'm free....

So now I really don't care...

I've shared things in this blog with all of you because I just don't want to fight it anymore.

I just don't want to guard myself, because how boring is that? How boring are these celebs who go on Jay Leno every night and talk and talk and talk and talk, but never say anything? Their mouths are moving and nothing is coming out.

Is this the way you feel? Do you feel yourself having the same conversation ever night with the same people? Do you feel bored?

Well let me tell, you. The world isn't boring. You're boring. It's time to drop what your doing and take a stand. Talk a stand. For love, for the future, for everything....'
...it's time to rip out your vocal chords and throw them at the sun.

Love & Laxatives,

L.Lo

HARRY POTTER, MY BITCH

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:27:00 +0000

In honor of the new Harry Potter book that's coming out today, I'd like to remind you all that I once looked like Hermione and had the greatest pair of breasts. See for yourself right here when I was on SNL. Puke.

Check Out My Old Knockers (quicktime video)

GET A LIFE, PEOPLE

Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan — Wed, 13 Jul 2005 22:40:00 +0000

I'm sick of everybody in the comments section who say that this blog is fake. What's so fake about it, retards? And what does it matter to you anyway? These are real words. My feelings are real. I am real. My blood is real when I scratch my legs at night, and the blood that stains my sheets is also real.

Who wants to be a celebrity? Yes, who? Somebody please step up to the plate. Wannabees. All of you.

The truth is...you have no idea how lonely it is in this little Hollywood Bubble. Sure, if you listened to the tabloids you'd think I have the perfect life. And in many ways I do. Nice car. Nice paychecks. Guys everhwhere.

But I'm trapped. I'm paralyzed.

I wake up in the morning and I feel nothing. Numb. The phone rings, and it keeps on ringing...but I feel alone.

Yeah, I wonder how all this is possible, too. How can a girl be on the cover of every magazine and yet, feel so worthless.

A dozen people stop me on the street on my way home. They'd be confused if I told them that I was going home -- not to pick out my wardrobe for the premiere this weekend -- but to snort blow, dip my finger down my throat or drink myself into oblivion.

You have no idea. You don't. Part of my wants to laugh but most of me wants to cry. I don't feel sorry for you I feel sorry about myself.

You have no idea.

----

Yesterday T came over and asked what was wrong. He handed me a book and I almost through it at his face. Thinks he can solve the world and my problems. He has no idea.

----

I never really learned how to cook. I'll go out today if I have to, if I ever get hungry again. I remember mom used to cook us meatloaf on Wednesdays. Always the meatloaf. And could you believe it, I ate it all the time. Today she called me up and asked if I was doing alright and of course, like a good daughter, I said, "Yes mom, I'm doing fine."

She has no idea.

You have no idea.

I don't think I have any idea.

L.LO