Just to let you know...

Yes, I might stop doing drugs. I might throw in the toll. Someone close to you dies and a lot of things go thru your head. I don't want to be rolled out of a loft in a body bag, live on TMZ.

Yes, I'm a drug addict. Love, sex, rock n' roll. Cocaine. Grey Goose. Penis.

Love it all. Love it. Love it. Love it.

A lot of you are saying I'm gonna be next. Or Britney. Or Winehouse. We're wastes you say....but you have no idea.

The funny part is we're going to outlive you all. It's the quiet ones that die. The ones you'd never expect. That's the fun part about being a celebrity. You realize how stupid the general population is.

TARA REID IS LOOKING BEAUTIFUL AGAIN

Just an FYI to all you fatties out their fitting the Cottage Cheese In Your Ass Monster. If a drunk like Tara Reid can drop twenty pounds of Vodka, then you can too. All you have to do is 1) stop drinking and 2) stop eating.

Remember: Showing off your ribs is always sexy. So much more sexy than showing off rolls. I should know, I have rolls now. But in the good places: boobs.

So yeah, congrats, Tara. Here's to losing more weight!

Congratulations Lily Allen!

Congratulations to Lily Allen! She's less of a fatass these days after being hypnotized to believe that she doesn't have to eat anymore. I'm just wondering if they can hypnotize her into wearing a different style of dress...she wears the same crap all the time it seems. Maybe I'm going to have to come out with my own clothing line...

But first comes healing myself...and my new bf...oh, you didn't know i met someone in rehab?

hehehehehe......

HOLY FAT AMERICA BATMAN!

Hey, peoples. Just flipping through my trash mags here at rehab (yes, we have those things) and I just saw a picture of Ugly Betty at the Emmy Awards. Yes, indeed she does look rather good these days.

But did you know, my anorexic-obsessed readers, that Ugly Betty used to be fatter than she is now? Behold the Fatness of America Ferrera!

OH CHUBBINESS!

EXCUSE ME, HOLLYWOOD? How did you even let this girl into your shiny gates? How did she ever get a movie part looking like this? It's amazing that they even had a camera lens wide enough for her entire girth. Damn.

But look at it this way, she's skinnier now (not skinny, just skinnier) and now she's Ugly Betty. When little girls ask me advice on how to get into Hollywood, the first thing I say is lose some frickin' weight. Hollywood execs when to see colar bone and pelvic bone during an audition. It helps if you have boobs, but nothing is sexier to this execs than seeing a girls ribcage in all it's glory. Some might think this is disgusting, but look at all the marketing dollars being thrown to all those calvin klein ads you see everywhere.

skinny is always in. always. it's never going to go away. and sure, i might have bulked up a bit in the last year, but i'm never NEVER going back to my old eyes. stab my eyes out with a spatula if I ever become as fat as Ugly Better...before or after she was fat.........

WHAT BRITNEY DID....

Thank you, Britney. You just created a new generation of anagirls. Your fatass has officially done more wrong in this world than your music.

Something that made me laugh today...

That dood who made the matrix....well...he's now a faggy little girl....

This is just disgusting for some reason. he looks like a freak. Not sure how anyone would want to work with this guy....i mean, does he stick his penis between his legs or soemthing? grossssss!!!!!

STATEMENT FROM MY REHAB PLACE SOMEWHERE IN UTAH

It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am kinda ashamed. I broke the law, snorted some drugs, drove drunk, flashed my privates, chased one of my assistants through Santa Monica in a fit of rage, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than my dad and mom. My little sister is also to blame. She's a showoff. But I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Charlie Sheen Nick Noltie, Babyshambles...these are my rehab heroes. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so.

XOXOX

Lindsay Lohan

It's time to celebrate....

The popo is not going to charge me with shoving cocaine up my nose, at least for that time that i crashed my car into a tree.

As I result, today I am celebrating here in Utah. My rehabilitation mates and I are throwing down, sober-style in the social room. You're invited as long as you're already here, or come during visiting hours.

And to that paparazzoozo who's trying to take pictures of me from across the street:

Hayden Panetteireieree just turned 18, go bother her for awhile.

xoxox

Lindsay Lohan

I Gotta Find My Own Way

Wow. Thanks for the response to what I should do with my life guys. I thought most of you would jsut call me a stupid skinny bitch and that's it. But it turns out that some of you actually pretty smart...and caring. ...like Thomas who wrote:

Dudes, give the girl a break!

And Lindsay, when I'm in trouble I always say to myself: "there are always people who are worse of than me" and when you think about it then you realize it's true... Just turn on tv and watch the news. And then you feel like "hey I'm not that fucked up after all, I can do this!" Try it and let me know :)
Greetz,

Thomas
A worried fan from Belgium

That's so true. There are people that are a lot worse off than me. Lots of them. Britney Spears. She's a freaking mess. That fatso's got more problems that Katherine Heigl's ass. Amy Winehouse? She's a total freak. It's not enough that her teeth are snagly...she OD'd this weekend and now she's in rehab. I've never OD'd as bad as she did...at least I look good....I always used to tell me friends that it never matters how much of a wreck you are...just look beautiful. And I think I look pretty good.

I mean, look at this Maxim cover shoot I just did...



Now look at Amy Winehouse.....



Who looks like the drug addict now? I'm doing awesome compared to this chick.

Also, who is this Anne Hathaway actress? People are saying that she's like the julia roberts or something. Gay. She's so boring it seems....I've never seen her at Hyde or any other club...so she must be a nobody...plus she's fat. look at this pictures of her in a bikini....



Dear Anne Hathway -- get a tan, lose some weight, then maybe people will like you.

Love & Laxatives,

La Lohan

P.S. UTAH SUXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS WHAT BEAUTIFUL IS TO ME

Those zero inch arms....

That zero inch waste...

Angelina is a zero.....

And I think zeros are beautiful....

STARTING OVER AT DAY ONE

I'm counting from zero again. The zero. Is that me? Am I a zero? I am a zero.Intoxicated by the madness. Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is Godliness and God is empty, just like me.

I need some advice from you guys. I need some help. I'm stuck here and I don't know where to go. What should I do next? If you were me, what would you do right now? Where would you go?

I've been spinning for such a long time. But spinning in the same place, going nowhere. I know where I am. I know that people like me. People tell me I'm a big deal, but I feel nothing. I just feel empty, thoughtless and so damn tired. The spinning doesn't feel like it's going to stop any time soon.

I don't feel like killing myself...but I'm not gonna lie.. I've thought about it before and it justs seems so easy.

I need a change. I need something to happen. I'm asking for your help:

If you were in my position right now, what would you do?

RUMORS OF MY RELAPSE ARE HIGHLY EXAGGERATED

Not my best moment for sure. And what's up with my little pig nose????

Trying to get some sleep...will post more tonight after I git rid of my shakes....

This Is What Beautiful Looks Like to Me

Ally Sheedy looks amazing these days! Why, it was only a few years ago that she looked like that fatass in this photo.

Look how much weight she's dropped! It's like she's almost a total hottie these days! I do think she could just loose just a couple more pounds in the face and arms, and then she'll look just perfect. Just perfect!

Girls, I know it's the middle of summer...but you only have a few more weeks to make those bones show and finally get the guy of your dreams.  Nobody wants to bang a fatty -- trust me. Since being out of rehab I've only had like 12 one-night stands. Such a low number for this time of the summer.

Who's iPhone Do I Have to Stuff Up My Freckled Vagina to Get Some Cocaine Around Here?

Dear Friends & Family Who Know I'm Out Of Rehab,

I get it. I went to rehab. I get that I'm not supposed to be doing drugs or drinking or engaging random sex. But do you all really have to look at me that way?

Ever since I've been home people -- mostly my friends, families, and agents -- have been looking at me weirdly. Everything I do, they're looking at me...asking me things...constatly. I get up in the middle of the night to take a crap. Are you alright they ask?

I start to shiver because I'm a little cold and my friend asks if I need to go to the hospital.

I get my period the other day and my little sister asks whether I need to go to rehab again because I took an IBprophren (spppp?).

I go to sleep just a little to late and wake up even later --- my agent is making my iPhone convulse.

People -- I'm fine. Take off the kid gloves...really. I love you all (except my ahole sluthole motherfudger Dina), but i'm gonna do fine on my own.

In other news, I want to smoke crack.

JUST KIDDING!!!!!

It's the cocaine that I want. I want it for reaaaaaaaals. Like now. Like bad. I'm thinking of it right now. As I type this. I can hardly type. Each letter I type looks like a line of coke that's getting longer and longer. And it's making me want more. If I delete anything it only  makes me want it more.

It's weird. I'm out of rehab for less then a week and I want to do more drugs. I said it was over. I worked out every day. I tried really hard, I really did. But there's this voice I hear, it's in my head. It tells me things. It whispers things, and it won't go away. It tells me to do things. Bad things. Things like drugs, alcohol and stupid stupid sex. It tells me to barf on demand, look good in this bikini and that bikini. Blog. it makes me write this stupid blog and for what? So that when I die you all are laughing at me for what I wrote? So when you read this you can decode this whole thing and say, "See, it's all there. She had a death wish." Maybe, just maybe you're correct.

And I know my rehab counselor is going to kill from writing this. But i have to be honest. I'm not on drugs right now, and I'm probably not going to be on them tonight.

But damn, I still want drugs bad. Will this feeling ever go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

I am so not a coke whore!!!!

In between my Pilates class and a tricycle stroll in Malibu this morning I heard reports that my toxicology reports came back from the place and there have been traces of cocaine in my bloodstream.

I want to set the record straight: Like Paris Hilton, who finally admitted to never taking drugs in her life, I too have never taken drugs. I've never seen a joint. I've never snorted blow off Aaron Carter's penis.

I have been living a lie.

I used to think it was cool to tell people I like shoving cocaine up my nose and vagina. But no, it's not cool. Drugs are bad. They're bad stuff.

And why am I in rehab if I've never used drugs?

Because I'm doing research for a movie i want to make about what's it's like to be famous in Hollywood. Plus, I like being by the beach.

"But Lindsay" you're probably saying, "What about all that blow the cops found in your car?"

It's wasn't mine, plane and simple. It must have been my mexican gardner. I'm sending him back to Mexico.

And the toxicology report that came back saying cocaine was in my blood? More research for the movie. If blowjobs don't count as sex, then putting cocaine inside your nose for a movie isn't really "doing cocaine."

Later sluts,

Love & Laxatives

LL

LIFE'S A BEACH!

Yesterday afternoon was a lot of fun for a change. The idiots here actually let us leave rehab and go to the beach. I love Promises! You pay them lots of money and they let you do whatever you want!

People were totally cool to me while I was at the beach. They were wishing me well and everything, and not asking for too many autographs. One thing that people doing realize about being a celebrity: signing autographs is like the biggest pain in the ASS! Usually the people asking for them are annoying tourists (and lots of fat little girls). Nobody that's actually FROM LA would ever ask a celeb for an autograph, so usually it's not that bad. But we were at the beach so, ya know. TOURIST CITY!



Speaking of fatass, damn I gotta cut down on the carbs. Look at my stomach! BRRRRRRRRRR!

My gut is HUGE!!!!!

Paris Hilton is My Hero

They want you to eat a lot when you're in rehab. It sucks. That's why you've probably seen so many photos of me working out while i'm here. It's not that Promises has crappy food -- I'm paying like 25K a month to attend this place they better have some good food -- but the majority of the stuff is just carbs. Bread this, pasta that. How is a girl suppose to stay anorexic when she's in rehab these days?

I saw this story today that Paris wasn't eating when she went to back to lynnwood.

Paris’ weight has fallen from 110lbs to 100lbs after she was sent back to jail in Lynwood, Los Angeles, for flouting a driving ban.

One insider said: “After she was transferred back, Paris refused to eat.

“Staff became worried as she seems very thin with her bones poking out. She was also very weak and lethargic.

“They threatened to put her on an intravenous drip to rehydrate her and give her some nourishment unless she started eating.

Her bones were poking out? That's kinda hot. I've been trying to make my bones poke out since I started losing weight last year. When guys see bones poping out of your skin, it makes them want to do you. At least that's what Mary-Kate Olsen told me. And look how many people want to bang Paris?

Here's a recent pic of me chillin in the Promises back yard in Malibu. My bones are looking damn good.

Promises Rehab Is A Joke

Yes, it's true. Promises is a joke. I tell this to all my counselors here and all they do is shake their head. They're in denial. They think they're going to save me. They think that I'll stop drinking as soon as I'm out of here. They think that I won 't snort coke off a urinal or start making out with random chicks when I go to the clubs.

The people here, they make me want to vomit and laugh at the same time.

Take a look at my schedule here.

7AM: Wake Up
7:30AM: Morning Meditation
8AM: Breakfast
9AM: Gym/Acupuncture
11AM: Meeting No. 1
Noon: Lunch
1:30PM: Yoga
3:30PM: Meeting No. 2
5PM: Dinner
6:30PM: Meeting No. 3
9:30PM: Wrap-Up
Midnight: Bedtime

This place is more a spa than a place to treat heroin addicts. I don't know whether to meditate or cry. Let's take a look at all the people who have been here in the past:

• Britney Spears
• Ben Affleck
• Robert Downey Jr.
• Selma Blair
• Matthew Perry
• Charlie Sheen
• Yasmine Bleeth

These are probably the saddest excuses for celebrities I've ever seen in my entire life. What have become of these people? They are all losers now, especially Ben Affleck, who pretends to be all fatherly and crap with his new wife and kid. Give me a break. I bet he plays beer pong with his kid. Rehab hasn't help these people and it sure isn't going to help me.

I am so damn bored I just want to stick a fork in my eye.

You Can't Break Me If I'm Not Broken

The people here, they want to change me. They keep on telling me that I'm a drugg addict. They keep on telling me I'm an alcoholic. They keep on just telling me, telling me, telling me. Can't they just shut up for one second and worry about themselves.

You want to know what a drug addict looks like? Here:

DEAR REHAB COUNCELORS: DO I LOOK LIKE CRACKHEAD PETE DOHERTY TO YOU?

NO?

I DIDN'T THINK SO. CRACKHEADS DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS:

Do you get it people? Drug addicts don't look like me. I said it before, I've said it again: look at my life. look at my movies. check how much money i have in the bank: if I was a drug addict or alcoholic i wouldn't have any of these things. and even if I do snort lots of cocaine, it obviously isn't doing anything to me? look at what i've done at such a young age.

Sure I crashed my car. Sure they found drugs. Sure I could have killed someone.

But in the short time you were reading this, the risiduals i've made from my TV shows on Disney, all my movies, all my clothing lines -- all my everything -- have totallyed $10,000.

Yeah, I made a fortune today. What did you do?

God, whatever

There's a lot of talk of forgiveness over here. Forgive yourself. Forgive you mom, your dad, friends, neighbors. Forgive everyone. But more importantly, forgive yourself.

It all sounds very religious to me. There's so much talk of God here you think this was a church. Trust in God, forgive yourself. Turn your will to the good of God. Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Why is this being shoved down my throat? I hardly believe in God and he's going to help me? A man who says that he's going to be coming to earth for 2000 is suddenly going to help me?

People -- I don't need your God. I don't need your golden mantras. I just need your martinis.

A couple days ago I thought I needed to go here. But to look around at all the losers at this place, i am clearly not an alcoholic. I make millions of dollars a year doing what I do. I'm worth a few more. Studios want me in their movies. Magazines want pictures of me. I'm doing a few movies this year, what are you doing?

If I'm such an alcoholic and drug addict, how is it that I'm able to do what I do? Alcoholics aren't as productive as me, so clearly, I am not.

I hear stories of people drinking a bottle of vodka before breakfast. I hear stories of people hitting their children and wives when they hit the bottle. This one dude admitted to snorting a line of cocaine off his best friend's penis.

I crashed my car into a tree. Woopdeedoo. I am sooo going to hell, aren't I?

Whatever.

I'm an alcoholic like Mickey Mouse is a Nazi.