God, whatever

There's a lot of talk of forgiveness over here. Forgive yourself. Forgive you mom, your dad, friends, neighbors. Forgive everyone. But more importantly, forgive yourself.

It all sounds very religious to me. There's so much talk of God here you think this was a church. Trust in God, forgive yourself. Turn your will to the good of God. Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Why is this being shoved down my throat? I hardly believe in God and he's going to help me? A man who says that he's going to be coming to earth for 2000 is suddenly going to help me?

People -- I don't need your God. I don't need your golden mantras. I just need your martinis.

A couple days ago I thought I needed to go here. But to look around at all the losers at this place, i am clearly not an alcoholic. I make millions of dollars a year doing what I do. I'm worth a few more. Studios want me in their movies. Magazines want pictures of me. I'm doing a few movies this year, what are you doing?

If I'm such an alcoholic and drug addict, how is it that I'm able to do what I do? Alcoholics aren't as productive as me, so clearly, I am not.

I hear stories of people drinking a bottle of vodka before breakfast. I hear stories of people hitting their children and wives when they hit the bottle. This one dude admitted to snorting a line of cocaine off his best friend's penis.

I crashed my car into a tree. Woopdeedoo. I am sooo going to hell, aren't I?

Whatever.

I'm an alcoholic like Mickey Mouse is a Nazi.