Wednesday, March 28, 2007
My Music Will Get You Laid
Remember, this is a personal blog, not a headline news site, so I'm sure many of you guy readers already know that my music will get you laid. It's a proven fact. Like the Pied Piper led the rats out of Germany, "Vultures" leads girls to instant orgasm.
So I took offense at a piece from the delewareonline "News Journal" (Is it a newspaper? A journal? It's time to make up your mind) called "How To Be A Ladies Man." Here's what they say:
Worst of all, though, is this notion that wearing one of those t-shirts will somehow help you inside a woman's pants.
"The Cream Machine" - More like "The Dweeb Machine" with that cow head. Pass.
"_ELL HU_G" - I've got a hangman t-shirt for you: "WH_T A D_UCHE_AG!" Pass.
"Sausage Party" - Spelled out in saugages... SUPER PASS.
I do believe, however, that this shirt will help you score. Multiple times in one night. YOU pick the positions:
However, I say we put it up to a vote. Ladies, which of these shirts will help guys get all up in you tonight?
So I took offense at a piece from the delewareonline "News Journal" (Is it a newspaper? A journal? It's time to make up your mind) called "How To Be A Ladies Man." Here's what they say:
[Two Ladies Men, Ron and Ray] liberally spritz Tag Body Spray all over themselves, have memorized John Mayer chords on the acoustic, always stock the fridge with plenty of Franzia...You call that 'News Journal-ism?' Seriously, guys, knowing John Mayer chords does matter. Granted, spinning the actual audio tracks is best for the bedroom, but I suppose as a party trick, being able to adequately bang-out "Wonderland" is a good opener (though please don't send me audio of you doing that - I still have a headache from American Idol). Nothing else that they mentioned would work. Tag Body Spray is great, if you want to smell like a high school gym locker room, and nothing says "suave and sophisticated" quite like a big ol' box of wine!But in the end, none of it matters, for they know there's only one ingredient in the mix that lets the ladies know they're workin' it for the weekend. And as long as she can read, fellas, you're in luck. It's their collection of witty, irreverent, cheeky T-shirts.
Worst of all, though, is this notion that wearing one of those t-shirts will somehow help you inside a woman's pants.
"The Cream Machine" - More like "The Dweeb Machine" with that cow head. Pass.
"_ELL HU_G" - I've got a hangman t-shirt for you: "WH_T A D_UCHE_AG!" Pass.
"Sausage Party" - Spelled out in saugages... SUPER PASS.I do believe, however, that this shirt will help you score. Multiple times in one night. YOU pick the positions:
However, I say we put it up to a vote. Ladies, which of these shirts will help guys get all up in you tonight?
Comments:
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Tall men, small package, a real joke by mother nature. Skip the songs before the act, it's all about the sweet chatter. The songs can be the soundtrack to the live action. My choice would be Slow Dancing In A Burning Room. I know it's supposed to be sad but it's very very sexy.
Oh, and your videos showing in the background so I can fantasize.
Oh, and your videos showing in the background so I can fantasize.
I bought one of those "brooding" shirts for someone. Not really his taste but he wears it in private anyway...he's no dummy! I also plan on borrowing it but I can see it better when it is on someone else.
The "_ell Hu_g" and Sausage Party shirts show that the guy has a sense of humour too, which is THE sexiest thing.
The "_ell Hu_g" and Sausage Party shirts show that the guy has a sense of humour too, which is THE sexiest thing.
m - I've got 12 votes that say you're wrong (and 2 that agree, but I still win by a landslide).
anonymous - The last sentence. Awesome.
shelley - First paragraph good, last paragraph, eh. If he was wearing a Big Lebowski shirt...
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anonymous - The last sentence. Awesome.
shelley - First paragraph good, last paragraph, eh. If he was wearing a Big Lebowski shirt...
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