MOMMY GOING TO KILL HERSELF

OMFG! MOMMY IS SO DREPRESSED FOR SOME REASON...SHE'S BEEN WALKING AROUND LIKE A ZOMBIE WOMEN WHILE DADDY HANGS OUT BY POOL DRINKING MARGARATAS WITH SOME UGLY PERSON NAMED SHAR SHAR JACKSON FIVE!!@!1

MOMMY SAYS SHE IS SAD BUT THAT HER TEARS ARE REALLY FOR HAPPNINESS BUT I DON'T BELIEVE HER. SHE SAYS THAT SHE IS GOING TO TAKE SOME H APPY PILLS AND I SAY THAT'S BULLSH*T. I DON'T BELIEVE IN PILL. THE OTHER DAY I WAS WATCBHING AND INTERVIEW WITH TOM CRUISE AND HE SAYS THAT PEOPLE WHO TAKE HAPPY PILLS ARE GAY. I DON'T WANT TO BE GAY.....

YEP, MY PEE PEE IS HUGE

OKAY TO STOP ALL THE EMAIL I'VE BEEN GETTING ABOUT THE SIZE OF MY PEE PEE I'D LIKE SAY THAT YES, MY PEE IS HUGE

NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY AND YOU CAN ALL GO BUY MY TROJAN MAGNUM'S FOR MY FIRST DAY BIRTHDAY, LET ME JUST TELL YOU I'M BORED OUT OF MY ASS.

IN MOMMY'S UTERUS I WAS ABLE TO SWIM AROUND AND POKE AT STUFF LIKE HER LIVER AND PANCREAS

BUT SITTING HERE IN THIS HOSPITAL BED AROUND ALL THESE OTHER BABIES IS LIKE BEING AT A FRICKIN RETARD CONVENTION. DO THESE BABIES OR NURSIES KNOW WHO I AM? I THGOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE BORN IN THE RIZT CARLTON OF HOSPITALS BUT NO, MOMMY DECIDED TO GO TO A REGULAR ONE. THAT IDIOT. BUT WHO CARES. I GET OUT IN A FEW DAYS.

I'VE ALREADY TASTED MOMMY'S MILK AND IT TASTE LIKE ASS WATER. I NEED SOME SOY MILK I THINK.

CATCH YA LATER, YA'LL....

FETUS, OUT!

WHERE THE F*** DID MY PLACENTA GO?

4:00 PM CENTRAL HERE AT THE HOSPITAL IN SANTA MONICA. THANK GAWD I'M NOT IN HOLLYWEIRD YET BECAUSE THOSE PEOP LE ARE WEIRD....BUT I THINK ME MOMMY AND DADDY NEED TO SWING BY THERE ON THE WAY TO THE HOUSE TO SCORE SOME COCAINE ON THE WAYYY BACK HOME.. .

WOW. THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY..

WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT WHAT GUYS CALL 'FRESH AIR' ACTUALLY TASTES AND SMELLS LIKE ASS.

I PREFER MOMMY'S SMELLY UTERUS TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH....ALL YOU CAN EAT IN THE STOMACH..

I'M SITTING HERE IN THE BABY ROOM WITH ALL THESE OTHER CUTSIE MIDGET F***TARDS. I'M WEARING SOME SORT OF BEANIE. I TOLD MOMMY THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE A JEW OR KABBALAH OR ANYTHING. I JUST WANT TO BE A FETUS SSSSS!!!!! SPEARSSSSSSSDSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

BALASDSAFD...

DAMN I'M HUNGRY . WHAT'S THIS WAITING AROUND TO EAT CRA? IN MOMMY'S TUMMY I BASICALLY ATE WHAT I WANT. NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR SOME FATASS NURSE TO COME GIVE ME FOOD...

CAN'T WAIT TILL MOMMY BREASTS FEEDS ME. MANY OF YOU HAVE WRITTEN TO SAY HOW LUCKY I AM, THAT I GET TO SUCKLE O0N THE TEAT OF A POP PRINCESSS. YES, IT'S AWESOME, BUT THIS IS MY MOM WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SO SHUT THE F UP....

I ACCIDENTLY LEFT MY POWER BOOK IN MOMMY'S UTERUS. SHE'S PROBABLY GONNA POOP IT UP TONIGHT..

DOCTOR GAVE ME ONE OF THOSE COOL BLACKBERRY'S THAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE CARRYING AROUND HERE. IT F'ING SUCKS. I WANT A GODDAMN TREO....BUTTONS ARE SMALLER FOR MY SMALL FINGERS....

DADDY'S LOOKING AT ME THROUGH THE WINDOW NOW...SHOULD HE BE WORKING OR SOMETHING...THAT DUDE NEEDS TO GET A LIFE...

STAY TUNED...THIS LIVING THING IS HILARIOUS....

WAHHAHAH WHAAAHSAAH

I'M ALMOST GONNA BUST MY ASS LOOSE FROM THIS WOMB...ANY MINUTE NOW...STAY TUNED....THE DOCTORS JUST ABOUT HAVE ME BY MY LEGS;.......THIS IS IT, BITCHES!!! GET MY SHADES READY, AND START SNAPPING THOSE PHOTOS!!! THE #1 FETUS IS ABOUT TO ENTER THIS WORLD AND START FUNKING SPIT UP!!!@!@!@@

IT'S TIME FOR LIFE...

TIME FOR LIVING...

TIME TO BARF ALL OVER DADDY'S FACE...AND MOMMY'S TOOO...

TIME TO BECOME THE WORLD'S FIRST POP STAR FETUS...

TIME TO POO AND POO ALL OVER MOMMY'S FACE....

IT'S TIME, FOLKS! THIS BUN IS ABOUT TO POP LIKE A ZIT ON MOMMY'S FUGLY FACE!~!!!!!!

I'LL SURELLY BE BACK, BUT FOR NOW----

FETUS, OUT!!!!

ALMOST BAKEEEEED!

SOMEBODY STICK A FORK IN MY ASS - I'M ALMOST DONE., BITCHES!!!!

WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GOONNAA GET BLITZED-TO-THE-TITS WASTED AND START DONKEY PUNCHING EVERY CHICK I SEE!!! THAT'S IF I'M A DUDE! I STILL DON'T KNOW BECAIUSE IT'S DARK IN HERE AND MY MOMMY SAYS I SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH MYSELF.....ASFDD.ASHJI;LIHASD;LHFAL;SD
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SO DID YOU HEAR MY DADDY GOT A JOB? HE'S GONNA BE A DANCE INSTRUCTOR. WHAT A STUPID ASS. A FRY COOK AT MCDONALDS IS MORE QUALIFIED TO DANCE THAN HE IS. WHAT IS HE GOING TO TEACH EVERYONE? THE POOR-ASS SHUFFLE? THE GOLD DIGGERS MARENGUE? I HATE THAT BITCH.

YES, I' M A PLAYAAAAAA HATEAAAAAA!

I'M SO GODDAMN BORED.

LIFE BETTER BE MORE EXCITING THEN THIS HERE POUCH. IT'S LIKE A FRICKIN SAUNA IN HERE. AND THERE'S NOT EVEN AN ASIAN CHICK TO GIVE ME A MASSAGE. THEY SHOULD MAKE UTERUSES DESIGNED BY THE RITZ CARLTON. NOW THAT WOULD BE STYLE. I'LL TAKE THE PENHOUSE UTERUS, I'D SAY. A UTEROUS WITH A SWIMMING PPOOL. A UTERUS WITH A DECENT BED. ONE THAT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE STARBUCKIS AND SLIM JIMS.,....

AIGHT.

FETUS, OUT!!!

ABOUT THAT BB GUN INCIDENTTTTTT

SO SOME OF YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD THAT SOMEBODY AT MOMMY'S HOUSE POPPED A CAP IN THE ASS OF ONE OF THOSE SWEATY PAAPPPARAAZZIII PHOTOGRAPHERS!!!

SOME SAY IT WAS DADDY....SOME SAY IT WAS JAIME LYNN....SOME SAY IT WAS MOMMYY....BUT NOT

IT WAS ME, BITCH3S! I WAS THE GUNMAN ON THE GRASSY KNOLL! I GOTS LOTS OF GATS IN MOMMY'S UTERUS, AND I'M NOT EVEN PLA YIN'

I POKED MY GLOCK OUT OF MOMMY'S BELLYBUTTON AND SHOT THAT MOFO IN THE LEG AND HE CRIED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!

THAT'S WHAT HE GETS FO HANGIN' ROUND MY PAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHA! IF ANY OF YOU PAPPAPRARAAZZZZIII MESS WITH ME AND MY FAMILY I WILL SERIOUSLY F YOU UP. AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE M OMMY AND DADDY ALL THAT MUCH!⁄⁄!!! BUT I HATE YOU EVEN MORE...

I WANT TO EAT YOUR BABIES.......

FETUS, OUT!

COMO ESTA USTEDES BITCHES!

HOLA, BITCHES!!!!!! YOU WOULDN'T BE BELIVE HOW TIGHT IT'S GETTING IN MOMMY'S FAT BELLY! NOTTHING GETS YOU BIG AND FAT LIKE STARBUCKS, AND MOMMY DRINKS THOSE EVERY DAY . MOMMY BOUYGHT DADDY FEDERLINE A STARBUCKS CARD SO HE DO0ESN'T HAVE TO USE CASH AND HE ONCE TRIED TO USE IT TO BUY CLOTHES AT THE STORE!!! WHAT A FRICKING DUMB ASS. DADDY GETS MORE WHITE TRASH BY THE DAY!!!@!!@@@!@!!!

WHAT 'S THAT CRAP ABOUT XTRINA AGRUILLA TALKING TRASH ABOUT MOMMY??/ SHE SAYS THAT MOMMY'S CAREER IS OVER!!@! THAT'S BULLCRAP! MOMMY IS GO ING TO BE A MOO MMMY! ISN'T THAT A JOB!!@!@!@@ WHAT'S XTINA'S JOB? BEHING A HERPES-WHORE WHO LOOKS LIKE A CIRCUS CLOWN!??!? OHHHH THAT';S SO HARD. I CAN BE A SLUTTY CLOWN, TOO, JUST BUY ME SOME MAKE UP!!!!

WELL I SHOULD BE POPPING OUT SOON. SOMEBODY BETTER GET ME SOME SHADES, PREFERABLY A NICE PAIR OF RAY BANNS, BECAUSE THE PAPPAROARAIZZZI COVERAGE IS GOING TO BE SICK! MOMMY'S GONNA HOLD ME UP TO THE CAMERAS AND I'M GONNA PEE ALL OVER THEM. CAN'T WAIT. OHHHHHHHHH WHAT A GOOD TIME. I WANT TO MY LIFE STARTED.....I WANT TO START MOOCHING LIKE DADDY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE...J/K. ......ROFL!!@Q!W@#WEWEEEE##

-FETUS, OUT!!!!!

THERE ARE NO TWINS IN MOMMY'S SACK

OKAY BITCHES!!@!@@ LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT THERE ARE NO OTHER BABIES IN THIS SACK. IF THERE WERE I WOULD SHOULD BITE IT'S HEAD OFF. MOMMY'S SACK IS ALL MINE. SO ARE HER BOOBS. BUT THAT KEVIN!! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, NOBODY DRINKS MORE STARBUCKS LIKE HIM! HE PEES COFFEE ALL OVER MOMMY IN BED. THAT IS DISGUSSTING....

MOMMY LIKES TO TALK TO HER BOOBIES!

SO I'VE BEEN GROWING BALLS. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THEY ARE MY BOOBIES OR MY SCROTUM. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? THEY BOTH FEEL GOOD, BUT THEY BOTH ITCH LIKE A BITCH.

YOU KNOW. MY POWERBOOK IS TAKING SUCH A BEATING IN SIDE THIS UTERUS. MY HARDDRIVE CRASHED ANd i HAD TO INSTALL A NEW OS X! DAMN I APPLE. THE WORST PART IS THAT APPLE DOESN'T SERVICE INSIDE UTERUSES. IF THAT WAS THE CASE I'D BE ALL SET AND MY POWERBOOK PIECE OF SH*T WOULD BE FINE. GOD DAMN IT. I THINK I'LL BUY A PC WHEN I'M OUTTA HERE. THAT'S IF DADDY FEDERELINE STOPS SMOKING AND I WON'T BECOME A CRACK BABY.

WOO HOO.