A BELOW-THE-BELLY LOOK AT LIFE INSIDE MY MOTHER, BRITNEY SPEARS: THE WORLD'S MOST WHITE TRASH POP STAR MOMMY!!!@!
GET READY FOR ANOTHER PODCAST! NOW THAT I'M OFFICIAL YOU CAN ALL BREATH EASIER FOR A LITTLE WHILE!!!!
IT'S OFFICIAL, BITCHES! I AM 100 % FOR REALS, LEGIT, THE REAL MCCOY!
MOMMY SPEARS HAS FINALLY ANNOUNCED THAT I EXIST -- AND THANK GOD! I WAS BEGINNING TO DROWN MY SORROWS BY SNORTING LINES OF COCAINE OFF MOMMY'S BIRTH CANNAL!!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS BEING IGNORED!!!!!&&!!@@
NOW THAT I AM OUT OF THE CLOSET, LET ME TAKE THIS TIME TO THANK MY MOMMY AND DADDY FOR A GREAT THREE MONTHS! I HOPE TO HAVE MANY MORE MONTHS TO COME UNTIL I BECOME A FULL-BLOWN BABY!!!!!!@@@!
LET'S HOPE FOR A SAFE BIRTH, NO C-SECTION, AND A PAIR OF SHADES FOR WHEN I FINALLY FLY OUT OF MOMMY'S UTERUS -- I KNOW CAMERAS WILL BE WAITING.
***LOOK FOR A NEW PODCAST TOMARROW!!!***
FETUS, OUT!
OKAY PEOPLE CALM THE F**K DOWN!
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THE RUMORS OF MY DEAHT HAVE BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERTED! MY MOMMY DID NOT ABORT ME, NOR DOES SHE PLAN TOO! I AM WAYY TOO CUTE TO BE ABORTED! PLUS, MOMMY THINKS ABORTIONS ARE SO XTINA AND SHE'S NOT A FOLLOWER!!!!!!
SEE THIS IS WHY AMERICA NEEDS TO CONDEMN THOSE FALSE TABLLOIDS! IT'S ALL BULLCRAP!!! HOW CAN I BE PODCASTING OR POSTING IN THIS BLOG IF I AM IN SOME GARBAGE CAN IN THE BACK OF PLANNED PARENTHOOD?
FETUS OUT!@
HAHAHAHA! MOMMY IS A STUPID! IN ADDITION TO HER STINKY PANCREASE, MOMMY HAS A STINKY NOSE FOR KIDS WHO POSE AS KIDS WHO AREN'T KIDS BUT REPORTERS FOR STAR MAGAZINE! YIIIIKES!
CHECK THIS OUT, BITCHES! I WANT TO GROWS UP TO BE JUST LIKE THAT KID!
FETUS, OUT!
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER PODCAST FROM THE UTERUS OF MOMMY, BRITNEY SPEARS!
HAHA! I'M KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF MOMMY'S TUMMY!!!!!!!!! THAT WJHAT SHE GETS FOR PLAYING HER CRAPPY SONGS ALL DAY!!!! DOESN'T SHE KNOW THAT I CAN HEAR THRU HER UTERUS WALL? BOY, SHE'S ONE DUMB COOKIE!!!!
IT'S OFFICIAL!! EVERYONE'S FAVORITE FETUS IS NOW A PODCASTER!
DON'T KNOW WHAT A PODCAST IS? WELL, IT'S JUST A PRETENTIOUS NAME FOR A RADIO SHOW, BITCHES!
YOU CAN LISTEN TO MY IN UTERAN PODCAST BY CLICKING THE LINK BELOW, OR ON THE TITLE OF THIS POST!!!@!!!
I'LL LET YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE A NEW PODCAST WHEN I POST THIS GRAPHIC!
YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE TO MY PODCAST USING YOUR FAVORITE PODCASTING DOO-HICKY BY USING THIS FEED!
FetusCast Feed -
IF YOUR A DUMBASS AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE ANY OF THIS PODCASTING CRAP, YOU CAN DO TWO THINGS:
I'LL BE DOING THE SHOW DAILY, WEEKLY, OR WHENEVER UNTIL I POP OUT OF MOMMY'S UTERUS. THANKS FOR UR SUPPORT.
EMAIL MY ASS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.
FETUS, OUT!
HEY PEEPS IN THE REEPS! [ REEPS = REAL PLACE!!!@!!@!@#! RFOL! ] SOMEBODY JUST SENT M3 SOME PIX OF MOMMY & ME! I'M GETTING BIG!!!! HOPE I DON'T GET A J.JO ASSSSSSSSSSSS!
MOMMY AND DADDY JUST DID THE HANKY PANKY AND DADDY'S YING YANG POKED ME IN THE FRICKIN' EEYE! WHENS THAT FREELOADER GONNA SPLIT!!!?$?$? THAT BOY NEEDS TO GET SERVEDDDDDDD!
FETUS, OUT!
HEY, BITCHES! I GOTS AN EMAIL ADRESSS NOW! IT KINDA SUX THAT IT ENDS IN LIQUIDGENERATION THO...I'LL TRADE SOMEONE A CUP OF MOMMY'S PLACENTA JUICE FOR A GMAIL ACCOUNT!
EMAIL ME SOMETIME: FETUSSPEARS@LIQUIDGENERATION.COM!
FETUS, OUT!
OMG!!! MOMMY AND DAD GONNA STAR IN TV SHOW!!!!!! MOMMY SAYS SHE AND DADDY R GONNA SMOKE THE PANTS OFF JESSICA AND NICK! MOMMY SAYS JESSICA IS A SECRET COCAINE SNIFFER AND NICK IS A SEX ADDICT AND THAT SHE AND FEDERLINE R GONNA MAKE THE UPN NETWORK LIKE A BAGIZZLION FRICKING DOLLARS I CAN'T WAIT TO DOWNLOAD THE SHOW ON BITTORENT BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE SH&T IN THIS STOMACH.
ALSO I THINK I'M GROWING A SIXTH TOE JAM!
FETUS, OUT!
OMG! I'VE GOTS THE BEST THING TO HELP MOMMY & DADDY'S MARRIAGE: THIS WACKY COUPLE! THEY'RE SUCH AN INSPIRATION!
I GUESS THE GUY IS THE WEBMASTER TO THIS ONE BRITNEY SPEARS WEBSITE AND THE GIRL IS THE READER OF THE SITE...WELL, SOME HOW THEY BOTH STARTED TALKING ABOUT MOMMY AND NOW THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED! MY MOMMY MADE A MARRIAGE!
BUT THAT'S NOT IT -- THE STORY OF HOW THEY GOTS TOGETHER IS JUST ASS GOOD ASS ROMEO AND JULIET, BUT FAR MORE DIPRESSING.,...CHECK THIS:Just three short days ago I got engaged to the person I love more than anyone. The crazy thing is how we even met. She lives in Virginia and I live here in California across the country. The reason we ever had the chance to meet is because of Britney Spears. We are both huge Britney fans.
NOW DON'T START LAUGHING YOUR LITTLE ASS OFF LIKE I DID. THERE'S MORE...CHECK IT...Kat was one of the first members on the forums that I had back then. As soon as we started talking those first few days on the forums we felt an immediate connection. We could tell that there was something different and special. So for the first several months we just talked on the computer and go to know each other and our personalities, likes, dislikes, and just simply who we are. But then, about 7 months ago on Sept. 2nd we started dating and talking on the phone whenever we could. We both knew at this time that we wanted to be more than just friends, we loved each other.
HOLY CRAP THIS IS ADORABLE! I NEVER DO CRAP ON MESSEAGE BOARDZ AXCEPT ASK IF ANY ONE CAN SCORE ME SOME ABSINTHE FROM AMSTERDAMN. THIS LUV STORY JUST GETS BETTER:The first thing I guess would be having to hide everything from her parents.
TWO STAR CROSSED LOVERS! I WONDER IF DADDY FEDERLINE'S PARENTS WERE UPSET THAT HE WAS GOING TO MARRY MOMMY MILLIONAIRE!!!!?@!While we hated to lie to them about things, we felt like we had to because who would want their daughter dating someone online? Internet dating can be dangerous and it is looked down upon, but we knew this was different and didn't want anything to get in the way of it. So for several months I tried to get the money needed to come and meet her finally. This was so hard to do considering I had no job, and was about to have to leave my old home and move without knowing where I would go. There were so many issues and problems that came up during this time and I really can't get into that. But it seemed like everytime I thought I had the money to see her something happened and I lost it. During this time I have moved, filed for bankruptcy, been robbed (twice!), sold my cars two different times and now I have no car and have also been screwed out of a lot of money by yet another person I thought was a friend. So all of these things and many more put so much stress and pressure on us that made us wonder if this would ever work out.
HOLY CRAP! SUCH MISFORTUNE! I GUESS WHEN U SPEND ALL UR TIME BEING A BRITNEY SPEARS EXPERTS UR BOUND TO GO BANKRUPT! BUT AT LEAST HE FOUND LUV!After being rejected so many times we thought we were finally going to meet. I actually had a plane ticket and everything this time. But then on Valentine's Day, of all days, her parents found out I was coming to see her and broke it all up. It was the worst 24-hours of both of our lives. We were forced to seperate and to never talk to each other again. At that time we thought it was all over and there was nothing we could do about it. We even agreed to never talk to or communicate in any way with each other after that night. We were ripped apart and it hurt both of us so deeply that we were shocked into realizing just how much we both needed each other. We loved each other so much and couldn't live without each other. We had been through so much and could not give it up because of other people. So the following day we talked to each other and agreed to never give up and do whatever it took to be together. I ordered my baby a new cell phone and added her to my account so that nobody could track our calls this way. After that we secretely talked and worked on plans for me to go there again.
O TRAGEDY! O FATE! O PARENTS THAT JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND! MOMMY AND DADDY NEVER HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS. THEY JUST HOOKED UP AND GOT HITCHED A DAY LATER. THEN THERE'S ME! THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT! THESE TWO LOVERS JUST SOUND LIKE THEY WANT TO KILL THEMSELVES...WHICH WOULD BE AN EVEN BETTER POST THEN THIS U CAN'T WIN THEM ALL.
AND FINALLY THE CONCLUSION TO THSI SAGA...This final attempt actually worked this time. Although her parents found out about it again, we were not going to be stopped. Her dad allowed us to meet as he came down to be there and meet me as I arrived. It was very clear once we met that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. It was an incredible time for both of us as we could now fully understand how much we mean to each other. I am now looking to move across the country to live with her. We have been through so much already and have always been there for each other and will continue to be. Everything is out in the open now and her parents know we are engaged and are now allowing us cause they realize how much we mean to each other. So now we look forward to a wonderful future together and sharing many great times together forever.
I REALLY HOPE MOMMY READS THIS...IF SHE KNEW THE PEOPLE THAT WERE GETTING MARRIED BECAUSE OF HER I'M SURE SHE'D START TAKING HERSLEF MORE SERIOUSLY AND MAYBE SOME DAY SHE'LL QUITE KABBALAH AND BECOME A PRIEST AND GET PEOLPLE MARRIED FOR REALS....
HERE'S THE HOLE STORY!
MOMMY'S POOPOO SMELL LIKE PEE!
FETUS, OUT!
MOMMY WANTS TO BE A DESPERATE HOUSEWIVE AND THEY WON'T LET HER! NOW SHE'S CRYING AND SAYS SHE WANTS TO DO CROSSROADS 2!!!!&U! IS THIS A GOOD THING!?! MAYBE PRODUCERS THOUGHT SHE'D LOOK LIKE A GIANT TUB OF LARD ON THE TELE! I'M GROWING LIKE A MO'! HEHEHEHEHEH...
IN OTHER NEWS, MOMMY SAYS SHE WILL "TRIP DOWN THE STAIRS"IF I CONFLICT WITH HER CARREER. OH MOMMY, U SO CRAZY I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M YO BABY!
FETUS, OUT
MOMMY IS CRYING THAT THE POPE HAS KICKED THE BUCKET. SAYS KABBALAH WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT HIM!!!!! I WONDERR IF SHE'S RIGHT!$!?!?!
I HOPE MOMMY DOESN'T BABTISE (SP?) WHEN I AM BORN. IN FACT I DON'T EVER WANT TO BE BORN. I WANT TO REMAIN A FETUS MY WHOLE LIFE. MOMMY'S STOMACH IS GOOD BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS EATS PRINGLES.
FETUS, OUT!
My name is Fetus Spears, unborn child of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. I currently reside in my mother's uterus where I am spending my gestation period blogging, podcasting, chatting via instant messager, making daily appearances on my webcam, and doing the occasional interview via sonogram. I am not sure whether I am a girl or a boy yet.
How Can You Listen? If you don't know what Podcasting is, checkout this website: Wikipedia: PodCasting
Where can I download an aggregator? Download a free program called iPodder. If you don't like this one, there are others.
What's the PodCast Feed? Right-click on the PodCast button and copy/past the link into your aggregator.
Is there an easier way to listen? Yes! When you see the PodCast button just click on it and listen away, bitchass!
