Shut Up Dominic James!

Oh gosh you guys. It's been a rough week, seriously I usually like to try and keep a happy face on here. I mean I know you don't come here for a big fat extra value meal of bad attitude. I'm a celebrity and I know it's my responsibility to keep the rest of the world happy. But this week, well let me tell you about it...

It all started out so exciting! My mom and my press agent had come to the collective decision that thirteen is the appropriate age for a young lady to start dating and they picked out what seemed like a really cool first date for me. His name was Dominic James. You may have seen him recently, he plays Billy in the new movie Wild Hogs. Well it was all perfect, he’s less than a week older than me and we have the same agent so mom thought we’d be really compatible.

But on our date he just wouldn’t shut up about how successful his movie was. I don’t like to begrudge anyone their success but he’s so not the reason that movie brought in 38 million dollars. But he acted as if he shared equal billing with Martin Laurence, Tim Allen, John Travolta and William H. Mace. But come on! His name wasn’t even on the poster. War of the Worlds made like three times that it’s opening weekend and I WAS on the poster for that but I didn’t going around bragging about it. But anyway we get to CPK and he’s just all like oh… Wild Hogs this and Wild Hogs that. Telling me how hard it is to do comedy. Like Cat in the Hat wasn’t a comedy or something. Like playing against John Travolta is harder then playing off Mike Myers. Ugh… I tried to enjoy my spinach did, and buffalo wing pizza but I just couldn’t stand him. It was like he was trying to make me feel bad for taking more artistic roles recently. I’d like to see him molested on film. Then we’ll see who the real actor is.

Well the date couldn’t have ended quicker. But all week he wouldn’t stop calling me for another date and my Mom kept insisting that I said yes. “Being part of a couple will be good for your image” she says. Please, once the world figures out what a scumbag Dominic James is dating him will be like virtual career suicide.

You listen to me Dominic James, you have nothing to do with why Wild Hogs made so much money. You hear me! Stop taking credit for Tim Allen’s accomplishments.