You so want to touch his curly locks.

Hugh Hefner. The dude has obviously gone off the rails. During the last season of Girls Next Door we could kind of see that he was losing it, but this just confirms everything. Sure, she looks decent on this cover, but what will you find once you open up those pages? Our guess is after the jump.

(click here to see more)

According to the Germans - and we know they're always right - if you stare at boobs you'll live longer. From the MedGuru:

According to Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist and author of the study, gawking at women’s breasts is a healthy practice, almost at par with an intense exercise regime, that prolongs the lifespan of a man by five years.

She added, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female, is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out."

This is probably the greatest news I've ever heard in my live. I hate going to the gym, and I'm assuming most of you do as well. I'm also going to go broke, because I imagine the strip club I'm going to after work will be a lot more expensive than my local gym. Unless this is all covered by Obama's new Healthcare plan.

(via theMedGuru)

Look. Yeah we're going to keep posting about Tiger Woods because that's the only thing on the news right now. So unless Jeff Goldblum dies in the next twenty minutes or we just fall alseep while writing this post, this is what you're stuck with so just deal.

So far there are SEVEN girls (or NINE, nobody really knows) who have come out and said they banged Tiger Woods. That's a lot of secret phone numbers to keep in your secret iPhone which will eventually make it's way onto the internet so that your secret sexy sext messages and nude pictures will be seen by the world! Respect!

In case you were wondering which of his mistresses is the hottest, we've got that taken care of for you. We're even going to add Elin to the mix because we're worried she'll be jealous (she's suffered enough!). This was a relatively easy task because the girls all have their own look. None of them really look the same. It seems that Tiger's only requirment for banging a girl was that she had a vagina - that's it! So here we go...

8. Florida waitress, Mindy Lawton. She looks like one of our alcoholic neighbors. "WUD YOU LIKKKE MEE TOOO SEDUSH UUUUUUUUUUU!"

7. Rachel Uchitel. This an old photo of her. In her new photos she looks like this, but more plastic. And less like her lips are made of liver.

6. Don't know what Tiger saw in Jaimee Grubbs. We guess it's kind of cool that she was in Tool Academy. Wait. No we don't. There is nothing redeaming about this chick besides her taste in short red clothes. Moving on.

5. Porn star Holly Sampson. Now we're talking. Now we understand why Tiger Woods would cheat on his wife: Elin obviously hated gay people. Holly Sampson supports gay people so much she's willing to wear a rainbow bikini on her boobs. That could be the only reason why he'd sleep with a porn star, right? RIGHT!?!

(click here to see the rest of the list)

Well, well, well. Aren’t we just the cat’s meow. And I say good for you, Tiger! Listen, we all get it; we’ve all been there. I mean, who among us isn’t a billion dollar entity who regularly dips the ol’

9-iron into a waitress’ wedge? It’s the circle of life! (And just a regular Tuesday, if you live in Florida or Nevada!)

But why is the media so willing to fault Tiger for these transactionsgressions? If there’s anyone to blame for Tiger’s “Mistress of the Month Club”, it’s his parents. Give your baby a porn star’s name, and what can you expect? It’s like naming a kid Jeeves. Or Ruth. One’s bound to fetch your smoking jacket; the other’s destined to become a hulking Eastern European who sloughs off the dead skin on your heels.

But Tiger’s parents’ poor name choices aside, what’s the big deal? Should the big-bucks sponsors like Nike and Cadillac really care what Tiger does off the tee? Because by my count, he’s just sticking with brand awareness:

Nike: “Just Do It”

Check.

Cadillac: “Re-imagined. Re-inspired. Re-invigorated. All designed to reignite the soul.”

Check.

AT&T: “Talk is good.”

If you’re a brand, check.

So by that logic, Tiger’s Sexy Times may just help our economy keep on going. His marriage may not, but that’s his parents’ fault.

This is just idle speculation from a picture we found on the internet (the site currently doesn't not work that well, so we won't link to it), but since Tiger came out and admitted that he had an affair, now we're just going to assume he's banged every chick he's come into contact with. It's only fair right!?! Of course it is. We state from here on out: We will just assume that Tiger's boned every girl that he's taken a photo with in his entire career!

Here's Tiger with some super skinny cheerleader. She also believes in the devil. OMG, YOU GUYS! TIGER BANGS DEVIL WORSHIPERS!

When we try to explain to our friends what good Twitter can do for society, we will not show them this image.

BTW, you can follow the LiquidGeneration Twitter here for irregular updates!

But it will surely put you in the Friend Zone. This Christian Rap group is so going places.

PailIsTheNewTan.com will change your life forever. Or at least until you vomit all over your computer screen. Since when to people spreak Marmalade on their skin? Delicious!

After hearing about a new movie called Twilight: New Moon and that it's kind of a big deal, LiquidGeneration contacted the nearest middle school to see if anyone was interested in writing a review of the movie for us. This is the review we received.

OHHH MY GAWWWWD YOU GUYS YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS BUT I SAW EDWARD CULLEN WITH HIS SHIRT OFF I CAN TOTALLY DIE NOW. I PRAY THAT HE COMES TO MY SCHOOL AND SWEEPS ME OFF MY FEET AND ME AND HIM CAN RUN AWAY AFTER HE MURDERS BELLA BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME AND THEN WE KISS DURING STUDY HALL THEN WE HAVE SO MANY BABIES OMG THIS MOVIE WAS SO GOOOOOD.

SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD. I CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY EYES OPEN RIGHT NOW ME AND MY FRO9ENDS WENT TO THE MIDNIGHT SCREENING AND WE ATE POPCORN BUT NOT MY FAT FRIEND ANGELA SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO GO ON A DIET BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO LOOK GOOD FOR JACOB!!!@!!!! LIKE REALLY, ANGELA, JACOB DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST YOU WERE A FANNY PACK TO SCHOOL AND YOUR FAT HE'S TOTALLY NOT GOING TO BE INTO YOU. MAYBE ONE OF THE GUYS FROM HARRY POTTER LIKE THAT FIRE CROTCH KID, BUT NOT JACOB. JACOB IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ANGELA AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT BUT I'M SORRY YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SHOT BUT IT WAS SO NICE SEEING THE MOVIE WITH A BFF JUST LIKE YOU.

SPEAKING OF!!! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE JACOB IS GOING OUT WITH THAT GAWKY SQUINTY FISH FACE TAYLOR SWIFT. WHAT KIND OF LOSER DOES SHE THINK SHE IS ANYWAY. EVERYBODY KNOWS JACOB IS JUST USING HER FOR SEX EWEWWWWW. SHE'S SUCH A DIRTY SKANK IF SHE WAS IN MY CLASS I BET SH'E GIVE  EVERYBODY AIDS WITH HER EYES. I H8 U TAYLOR DON'T COME NEAR ME!!!!!!

!!@!!@W!@!!@@@@@@@@!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY THING I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IN THIS MOVIE IS BELLA. I'M SORRY SHE'S JUST SOOOOO STUCK UP ALL THE TIME AND SHE BITES HER LIP WHAT'S ON THERE ANYWAY? DO HER LIPS TASTE LIKE LICORICE OR SOMETHING OR IS SHE TRYING TO EAT A ZIT OFF THEM I BET IT'S THE ZIT. SHE'S TOTALLY NOT A GOOD PERSON FOR EDWARD HER FACE LOOKS LIKE A TROLL. WHAT DOES HE EVEN SEE HER IN HER? I REALLY HOPE SHE DIES EVENTUALLY BECAUSE EDWARD DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER DON'T YOUTHINK? I MEAN, I'M SORRY IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S SOME AMAZINGH PERSON WHO CAN COOL AND WILL CLEAN FOR HIM AND GIVE HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDS LIKE I WOULD. I WOULD TOTALLY ROCK HIS WORLD IF HE MET ME I JUST KNOW IT...JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE EDWORD YOU KNOW YOU'D LOVE ME FOREVAHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHH! CAN'T WAIT TILL PARTY 3 COMES OUT IT WILL BE SO MUCH FUN!!!

LOVE YOU.

Helllllo my friends,

Lady Gaga here and I have something extremely important to share with you today...for God and the Gays, for the misfits and the miscreants....for the future and all that we hold true in this world and I just want to thank you, my fans, for being here with me right now. I feel truly blessed and I'm so happy that I get to share with you this moment on this little speck of space on the internet so that you and I can be closer and make this whole thing, this whole shining radiance of magnificient things real and One and at peace for the world. I truly, truly believe this. Be here with me.

I am opening up my sketchbooks here for the first time because I believe we can transcend all the hate in the world just by this tiny act, regardless of whether or not God and Gays get along, or whether or not you believe I have a penis, or whether or not everything that you hold true in this world is negated by everthing that was negated by all the Powers and Purpose from the last time you listened to one of my songs. I don't want to get long winded here, but I just want you to know I hear what you're saying and that I truly believe if we just keep making music and loook towards the future...not just of a future of fashion, but a fashion of future, than everything will be alright.

So without further ado, here are some costume ideas I'm working on for my Winter concert tour...

Do you have any costume ideas you'd like to share with me? Just send them too LadyGagaIsFashionable@gmail.com and I'll post them here soon!

God, Gays, and Trannys,

Lady Gaga

Today it's Point A Gun At Something Adorable Friday, featuring puppies and kitties (or kittehs, for the annoying people who come here). Why do people want to put a gun to faces of their little furry friends? We can only speculate it has something to do with imbreeding. But we're not scientists, so how the hell would we know.

A young a-hole in training. (via hangglide)

Why do parents buy Crocs for their kids? And why doesn't this dog bite off that little brat's head? (via ChickClick)

Crazy eyes and rape face are usually the same thing. (via randy metcalf)

...more pics after the jump....

Dude kind of looks like Vince Vaugh's tardy brother. (via castermer)

"Deaadd kittteehhhhhh" (via sayzey)

At least the blood will look cool on the window. RIGHT, GUYS!?!?! (via misterentropy)

Point a gun at anything adorable lately? Be sure to send us a picture: talkbalk@liquidgeneration.com!

In this month's Playboy Magazine, supernerd James Cameron said he designed his female Avatar aliens with breasts, even though they're not placental mammals (don't worry, we have no idea what that means either!). Since the movie cost around $500 million and it's in 3D, we can only hope that those boobs are so amazing they pop out of the screen and punch us in the face so hard they give us a black eye. We hope! But what if they aren't? Whose computer generated/animated boobs will you fall back on?

We've always been partial to Angelina Jolie in Beowulf, which you probably didn't see because the movie sucked. But damn, look! They even made her eyes look like she wants nothing to do with us, just like in real life!

Do you have any favorite computer generated characters? Share in the comments. Watch our 10 Sexiest Cartoon Characters if you need a little help deciding.

Launching a new site design is never easy, especially when the office doggy runs around the place trying to lick your toes and pee on your carpeting. It distracts you from doing the things that need to be done on a website, like making it work. But don't worry, we found a pretty cool veterinarian that's willing to put the dog to sleep on the cheap. Once that happens (soon, we hope!), we should have enough time to work out all the kinks on the website, and hopefully you won't run into any errors that are too embarassing.

if you see anything weird/annoying, or just want to say hello, you can email us at talkback@liquidgeneration.com.

In honor of us failing, here's a hot chick who totally can't seem to dance like Tom Cruise a la Risky Business.

Oh, you've heard of Family Guy right? Well, you should really sing-a-long to these songs, especially while you're at work or in the middle of class. It will make everyone know that you're totally into hating on deaf people, because who isn't?

The girl that Mr. Belding totally wanted to bang, but couldn't because of legal (and grossness) reasons, is pregnant.

This got us thinking: What would Tiffany Theissen's child look like if she made it with the Saved By The Bell cast members? Well, we ran the sperm of Zack, Slater, Screech and yes, Mr. Belding, through a BabyMaker app on the Knocked Up movie's website (science!) and it came up with the results below. We can only speculate that if any of these babies were to shoot out of Kelly Kopowski's crotch the doctor would most likely toss it into a trash bin. Or she will. Or we will. Who knows? These babies are pretty fricking 'tardy for the party (if you know what I'm saying).

If God was so smart, why did he design male genetalia to be 1) as low as it is and 2) totally unprotected. He gave turtles a hardshell and that animal is just about useless if you ask me. Humans created space shuttles, heavy metal music and Maury Povich. They should be protected, especially the itsty bitsy parts of them that makes babies. Such poor design decisions, God. If Steve Jobs was your boss you'd be totally fired.

Today, as Nancy Pelosi was walking somewhere and being important, a reporter following her totally crashed his balls into something that was not a Femaie Baby Incubator. Here's that video, and some others featuring guys who might not be able to get an erection anymore.

Reporter takes a dive. Woops.

We feel that the Japanese dudes featured in this video actually LOVE being hit in the crotch.

This guy's balls actually flew up through his stomach and out of his mouth, but you can't see it due to YouTube's crappy video quality.

Finally, these guys are true friends.