The lies Paris Hilton told Larry King. From the Tonight Show.

This is not a lazer light show, its witchcraft, I say! Keep your glowning coat hangers from him, before he eats your babies!

"That's all I DO! All day, every DAY!" Starring Nick Swardson, from Reno 911.

It's actually a prairie dog. And he comes from Japan – of course!

Beyonce's performance at the BET awards was completely unmemorable, save for the fact that she DRESSED AND ACTED LIKE A FREAKIN' GOLDEN ROBOT! Why, bootylicious lady, WHY??

Now that she's been released from prison, Paris is on her way to annoy the hell out of he neighbors in the Hollywood Hills.

Paris Hilton gets escorted from Lynwood Monday night – a free woman!

Here's Miss Moss looking atrocious, possibly at Glastonbury, wearing hideous Size -2 vinyl pants, Mick Jagger's discarded old black v-neck tee, and some sort of nasty lace shoulder jacket possibly stolen from a Goth linebacker. No wonder she's in love with a junky.

Paris drew a picture for the good folks at TMZ and they almost threw it out because they thought it was from a retarded fan. But then they noticed her spot-on signature, which she no doubt practiced signing for years all over her Trapper Keeper.

Christina Aguilera is still swamped with rumors that she's three months pregnant, but one thing is for sure: she wants to get into acting! She's reading scripts; hopefully they're better than "Glitter," "Crossroads," and "From Justin to Kelly."

AP: Curtis Allgier stole a gun from a corrections officer and shot him to death Monday, when the prisoner was at a doctor's appointment in the University of Utah medical center. He was later captured at an Arby's.

"Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K" is the actual name given to this very lucky newborn. The hospital birth announcement page can be viewed at: http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440

What happens on the Fourth of July when you pass out from too much America-toasting? Your jackass friends try to kill you with fireworks. Hooray for freedom!

Lindsay enjoy the sun at Venice beach when she went on a three-wheeling escape from rehab.

Lindsay took the day off from rehab to rollerblade with some gal pals on Venice Beach. Being healthy is sooo fun!

A classic video from the interweb. Baby + powder + fart = hilarity!

Watch as a classic pin-up painting is recreated with photography and Photoshop. Sexy, baby!

This life-like horse sculpture is made entirely out of driftwood! Beautiful, majestic, and safe from becoming dog food!

Someone got into a decidedly unfunny fender-bender with Ellen, on Sunset across from the Laugh Factory. Celebrities – they're just like us!

Paris is a prison pen pal! How nice!