This is the health industry's answer to sugary food? Cooking with ass batter? No thanks pooh, that’s one rumbly in my tumbly, we don’t want.

Hell no, I am not going to smell that. I don’t care how long he has been missing. It looks like he was missing his ass by about 2 feet long before he even got himself lost.

"Man kid, your face looks so funny, I bet your mom is ugly as hell. I can hear my eyes blinking and I am friggin hungry. Give me that damned cake!"

Dora explores the rampant valleys of puberty, giving comic nerds everywhere another reason to lock the bathroom door. Her monkey still looks queer.

In theaters 11-9-07. Fred Claus has lived almost his entire life in his little brother’s very large shadow. Fred tried, but he could never live up to the example set by the younger Nicholas, who was just a perfect, well, Saint. True to form, Nicholas grew up to be the model of giving, while Fred became the polar opposite: a repo man who then steals what he repossesses.

Thank god! Finally a place we can take our families without having to deal with all those damned homos! We will never again have to worry about gay men breaking into our houses and having anal sex in front of our children or us.

This is the height of efficiency. There is nothing, short of giving birth, that could better demonstrate a complete control of time management.

What happens when a Japanese couple gives birth to a new baby? A stereotype is born.

Ladies and gentleman, we give you the Grand Master Virgin of Tetris.

Rihanna needs to spend less time under her umbrella and more time at the Dermatologist. You are rich, you have no excuses!

To sell Halo3 in the states just give us violence. Korea went with Master Chief punching a dinosaur and dancing on the subway. Way to go Korea!

The election season is heating up. Make sure you get out and vote for the candidate who will give you the most sexy time.

Beth Ditto, the rock and glam queen flashed the crowd a bit of her pink frosted cinnabon. 250 people instantly developed diabetes and gave up sugar.

Further proof that midgets have more talent than merely dressing up as munchkins and dancing around for that damned Judy Garland.

Maybe she wasn't entirely brain dead when she gave the answer heard 'round the net. Maybe she was just remembering how hot she looked in the bikini.

NSFW: NFL quarterback, Michael Vick, plead guilty yesterday. This was all thanks to McGruff, the crime dog's, harsh interrogation tactics.

Quato, the talking fetus from Total Recall has FINALLY found new work! Thank God, watch him this fall on Fox, your home for quality entertainment.

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

Rosie O'Donnell has given up her angry tirades and buddied up with SeaWorld to replace Shamu.

TPC were so good we just had to give youa bonus track this week. Here they are with an acoustic version of ‘Shoulders and Arms.’