How is Suzanne Summers' crotch not mummified by now? Isn't she like 300-years-old yet?

Watch what happens when A-Rod calls Lenny Kravitz, who then puts Madonna on the phone. Hint: Sexy Hell breaks loose.

Reality TV is a lot like summer camp without the friendships.

Dating her would probably cost more than keeping a Hummer fueled for the summer, hummers all cost the same, car or otherwise.

Happiness is a warm summer boob. Guess what song that’s from…kinda.

Coming this summer prepare for The Pope to hand you your ass!

In theaters 4-18-08. Devastated Peter takes a Hawaii vacation in order to deal with recent break-up with his TV star girlfriend, Sarah. Little does he know Sarah's traveling to the same resort as her ex ... and she's bringing along her new boyfriend.

There is nothing more inspiring than the perseverance Tara Reid displays every year in Cancun. She takes a beating and keeps on tickin', she'll never retire, unlike Brett Favre.

Daniel Plainview would be the second best Food Network host behind Marc Summers.

Networks should seriously consider airing Japanese television during the strike. MXC is not enough.

In theaters 2-18-08. Based on the Steven Gould novel, "Jumper" follows a young man from a broken home who discovers that he has the ability to teleport. In his quest for the man he believes is responsible for the death of his mother, the kid draws the attention of the National Security Agency and another youth with the same abilities.

"Breaking Bonaduce" star and crown jewel of The Partridge Family, Danny Bonaduce, body slammed Johnny Fairplay for good reason. He's a douche.

If there ever was a home for an ugly modeling agency, its jolly ole England. No shortage on broken noses and ugly teeth there. Think Winehouse has a contract?

Thank god! Finally a place we can take our families without having to deal with all those damned homos! We will never again have to worry about gay men breaking into our houses and having anal sex in front of our children or us.

It seems all that David Beckham can do on the field is injure himself. Again, he will be out for another 6 weeks due to a torn ligament. Robot Posh is pissed.

How do you know your summer is over, over over? That guy with all the eyeliner covers the "song of the summer" and officially puts the last nail in the coffin.

Jennifer Aniton broke away from her evil captor, Courtney Cox, and spent the day on the beach. Not bad for someone her age.

Look, challenging a guy in a mascot suit to a dance-off is kind of like challenging a cripple. When it turns out he can dance, you will be mocked.

All summer Rihanna has promised we can stand under her umbrella. With this we become one step closer to seeing the nipple under the umbrella.

Maybe this guy can replace Tobey Maguire's horrible emo performance this summer. Watching this guy run into a wall is far more entertaining.