When we were little we thought the Pizza Man invented the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Obviously,  we were wrong (because we were stupid, ya see!)

(via thefrogman.me)

If we would have known Judge Judy was this awesome we would have never stopped watching this stupid show. Seriously, who are these people? Why do they exist? Why has God taken them from earth yet?

Because why, if you're seriously trying to figure this whole Global Warming thing out, why wouldn't you trust a guy WHO'S JOB IT IS TO FIGURE OUT ALL THINGS WEATHER RELATED. We grew up thinking that Weathermen - or Meteorologists - were the experts on weather, not Al Gore (no offense, Al!). But when a dude acts like he's all coked up on cocaine and you know he's the type of guy who just goes home and punches through walls, and maybe small children, well, how can you take that seriously? How can you take a guy like this seriously? FOR REAL THIS GUY IS WEATHERMAN NOT A PRETEND WRESTLER. 

What's the deal with weathermen? They are like the Ed Hardy of the nightly news world. Total d-bags. A quick search throught the LiquidGeneration archives show you that if you've failed at life you're most likely a weatherman for the 11 o'clock news. We imagine most weathermen (oh sorry, meteorologists!) are sad, alcoholic cocaine addicted wife beaters for some reason. We have nothing to back this up, it's just a feeling we have (intuition, bitches!).  Anyway, another weatherman was acting like a complete asshat recently and we thought you'd like to know about it. He talks about his pee pee.

There are lots of websites on today's information superhighway, and many of them are stupid. Like the one we found today. It involves popular film actor Tom Selleck, lush waterfalls and tasty sandwiches. And wouldn't you know? The website is called Selleck Waterfall Sandwich! Well look at that! All three of our favorite things wrapped up into one!

There is a truism we have about the internet and it's this: Whatever you want, it already exists. This is 99% fact. If you don't believe us just head to your nearest Google and just start pounding your keyboard like a monkey. 

Here's a few pics from Selleck Waterfall Sandwich.

Inside Edition did a little makeover of Snooki and all we can say is BAM BLOOM BAM POW -- wait. She still looks pretty easy and stupid. She also looks at least 35, and like one of those aliens on V. IT'S HARD BEING A GUIDETTE.

(via Huffington Post - BTW, aren't they a political site. Why are they posting this stuff?)

Truth is, this spider is a REAL A-HOLE. Who does this? "Oh I'm gonna crawl on the ceiling and then scare a poor old man! My name is Spider and I'm so cool! Look at me guys, look at me"

Stupid spiders. I hate you.

You know when you get really drunk and high from huffing spray paint (gold) out of a paper bag (brown) and you and your friends come up with the most AMAZING idea? These are the greatest ideas, right? Right?

What do you think would happen if for some reason you had access to all the elements and ingredients to make your ideas reality... Yeah and your grandparents owned some sweatshops where 12-year-olds slaved away making socks for the British Premier League, so you have a big trust fund. Basically, you have infinite resources. What do you think would happen?

Yeah, besides the first ever monkey, marshmallow go-cart champion being crowned, (Mr. Chattlebanks), because that's awesome.

What would happen?

You would make some pretty awful stuff, stuff that would amaze people on one level and one level only. Yeah, the "why-the-F-did-this-ever-get-made-and-who-thought-that-this-was-a-good-idea-were-they-high-on-gold-spray-paint?" level. You got it!

Oh, you want an example of this kind of idea brought to fruition?

How about this video where an underage white girl runway model, Karlie Kloss, claims to be from St. Luis and then plays ping pong with Notorious Wally Green?

Did that illustrate my point? Did I have a point?

I guess my point is that money is no substitute for talent and true genius, and neither is gold... spray paint.

P.S. JD Ferguson directed the above video. Is he the greatest director of our time?

Disclaimer: I did no research whatsoever into how this video actually came about, and I know nothing about JD Ferguson.

Man, if stupid people didn't exist in this world there would be nothing funny on the internet.

Google makes it way to easy to figure out what's going on in each other's heads. We prefer to times when we were stupid, ignorant and sexiest and Google wasn't all up in our business. Now every chick is going to know that all we want from them is to shave. DAMN THE WORLD, DAMN GOOGLE.

Look. Yeah we're going to keep posting about Tiger Woods because that's the only thing on the news right now. So unless Jeff Goldblum dies in the next twenty minutes or we just fall alseep while writing this post, this is what you're stuck with so just deal.

So far there are SEVEN girls (or NINE, nobody really knows) who have come out and said they banged Tiger Woods. That's a lot of secret phone numbers to keep in your secret iPhone which will eventually make it's way onto the internet so that your secret sexy sext messages and nude pictures will be seen by the world! Respect!

In case you were wondering which of his mistresses is the hottest, we've got that taken care of for you. We're even going to add Elin to the mix because we're worried she'll be jealous (she's suffered enough!). This was a relatively easy task because the girls all have their own look. None of them really look the same. It seems that Tiger's only requirment for banging a girl was that she had a vagina - that's it! So here we go...

8. Florida waitress, Mindy Lawton. She looks like one of our alcoholic neighbors. "WUD YOU LIKKKE MEE TOOO SEDUSH UUUUUUUUUUU!"

7. Rachel Uchitel. This an old photo of her. In her new photos she looks like this, but more plastic. And less like her lips are made of liver.

6. Don't know what Tiger saw in Jaimee Grubbs. We guess it's kind of cool that she was in Tool Academy. Wait. No we don't. There is nothing redeaming about this chick besides her taste in short red clothes. Moving on.

5. Porn star Holly Sampson. Now we're talking. Now we understand why Tiger Woods would cheat on his wife: Elin obviously hated gay people. Holly Sampson supports gay people so much she's willing to wear a rainbow bikini on her boobs. That could be the only reason why he'd sleep with a porn star, right? RIGHT!?!

(click here to see the rest of the list)

In case you haven't, make sure you check out our Twilight parody, Twilight Whispers. We showed this to a group of 14-year-old girls and they threatened to kill our famiies if we ever made fun of Edward and Bella again. But we told them not to worry. We're told them we were totally TEAM JACOB and they were like "OMG! US TOO!" and now we're all BFFs. See how this works? These people are stupid. Anyway, hope you enjoy the video and hopefully you won't have to hear about Twilight for at least another year, or until one of them takes off their shirt again. We hope next time it's Bella (wait, she's legal right?).