This week a new face is added to the LG news crew. Lou Berk, our crotchety newsman, speaks with Paris Hilton live from her Five Star Jail Cell.

Johnny hit the jackpot this summer when he realized he could fill freezer bags with grass-clippings and make a fortune selling weed to Jr. High kids.

Conan sends Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to the Tonys, where he avoids all jokes about gays and how lame plays are. Just kidding, he's friggin hilarious.

"Stars Are Blind" remade by a sexy fake-Paris into an "autobiographical" story about going to jail. She gets cozy with the sheriff! Oh yeah!

PORN STARS! POP STARS! They all look the same! How can we ever tell them apart? It’s up to you my friend. You’re the only who can help us spot he difference!

NSFW: Judd Apatow's new movie starring George Michael from Arrested Development. I'm wetting myself with anticipation

This horrified little baby is yet another victim of a knitting-needle wielding Star Wars fan.

You Damn Kids!

Our interview team invaded the Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration, to ask fans about Star Wars weddings, crazy costumes, and Anakin's cooter.

An 11-year-old shot and killed a massive, half-ton wild hog that was even bigger than the famed 'Hogzilla.' The kid's hunting career started at age five. Nice.

Call us cruel, but we love it when some jackass is screwing around and gets the short end of fate's stick. Especially when they're dumb white kids from the 'burbs and they're screwing around in their buddy's crappy Accord.

Exclusive Video! David Hasselhoff's kid films him eating on the floor while warning him about not drinking any more booze that night, lest he lose his job. That's one sad dad.

George Lucas got treated to Conan O'Brien's rehashing of some beloved Star Wars characters. We thought they were funny, George, how come YOU didn't??

They say they're hanging out for their kids' benefit. I say they're screwing.

Movie game time! Just match the pictures to make movie titles and you win a million dollars! (Just kidding about the million dollars!)

Kids are SOOO adorable when they talk about monsters, and say words they shouldn't.

Whoose boobs hops on the Boob-le Star Galactica to serch the universe for boobs.

If you're going to fall off a 9-story building, at least land like you're in a cartoon.

Here's a question: Was Al Reynolds gay before he married Star? Or did he just turn gay? (See picture)

The new issue of Star magazine features celeb nannies and the strongly-denied affair between Carmen Electra and Joan Jett.