Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Reason Not To Have Kids #267

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 10 2009, 9:24 AM

Seriously, if your kid is just going to narc you out to their teacher, what good are they anyway? Kids are for tying your shoe laces, grabbing you a beer and that's about it. You shouldn't have to worry about them telling everyone they know that you earn money making it rain for perverts. LiquidGeneration's been making games and animations about boobs and Britney Spears' drunk butt for years, and our nephews still think we sell insurance. Seriously! Every time I come home for Christmas they never ask me how work's going because they feel sorry for me. Anyway, there's just some things your child shouldn't know and your stripper job is one of them. Also: never bring your work home with you.

(via Don Chavez)

 

Lindsay Lohan's Shoe Boobs

Lindsay Lohan's Shoe Boobs

We like it when Linday Lohan tries on shoes. And so do you.

 

This Mom Gets Freaky

This Mom Gets Freaky

We really don't know why strippers are allowed to have kids if they can't match their shoes.

 

S&M Kitty

S&M Kitty

First there's the turtle that humps shoes, now there's a kitty who likes to be spanked. Weird world, dude.

 

Turtle Makes Rape Look Adorable

Turtle Makes Rape Look Adorable

It's not a crime if he's just raping a shoe. Shoes don't have feelings, unless they're Buster Browns.

 

Bush Dodges Shoe Animated Gifs

Bush Dodges Shoe Animated Gifs

A collection of animated GIFs that show Bush receiving a shoe to his face.

 

10 Dopest Shoes Ever

10 Dopest Shoes Ever

Remember those awesome shoes you had as a kid that all your friends were jealous of? Yeah, in retrospect those shoes really sucked.

 

Korea's Most Expressive Drummer

Korea's Most Expressive Drummer

The only man that could fill John Bonham's shoes.

 

Bird Food Shoes

Bird Food Shoes

"Oh lady you don't know what you have done here. I am going to eat the hell out of your shoes. Prepare yourself!"

 

Gisele is Wet

Gisele is Wet

Gisele is selling shoes or some shiz and this new ad is meant to catch your attention. One question, water is transparent, why can't we see the gooch?

 

$1,500 Shoe for Retarded White People

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Brits will pay $1,500 for a new sport stiletto designed by failed artists at Fisher Price. Designed for the Socialite on the go, this shoe is sure to scream "Special Olympics".

 

Hookers Have Nicer Shoes Than You

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These new shoes have GPS tracking systems and are able to call a pimp or a sex worker advocates group, in the event of an emergency… seriously… no joke.

 

High-Tide Heels

High-Tide Heels

These "prototype" shoes are made to look like high-heeled snorkling flippers – but they're really just art pieces!

 

Jessica's Knockers Still Defy the Force of Gravity

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Jessica Simpson recently crossed the red carpet in Vegas, where she had to wear weighted shoes to prevent her boobs from lifting the rest of her to the ceiling.

 

Bound Foot

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The importance of wearing proper-fitting shoes.

 

Sexy Airport Security

Sexy Airport Security

Forget removing your shoes and belt – this hottie takes it ALL off when going through the metal detector!

 

Amazing Shoe Tying Trick

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Like the observers, I really don't believe that this guy is able to tye his shoe just by shaking his foot a bunch.

 

Black Rhythm Leg Spray

Black Rhythm Leg Spray

It's like magic shoes for the white and rhythmless! Don't leave home without it!

 

Those Shoes Don't Match!

Those Shoes Don't Match!

I'm sure he got bitched out by a sassy queen for giving in to wearing "sensible" shoes.

 

Cool Shoe

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Makes the zipper in my KangaRoos look useless.

 

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