I can has triforce? Die Gannon!

Amateur stuntman Rod Kimble (ANDY SAMBERG) has a problem – his step-father Frank (IAN MCSHANE) is a jerk. Frank picks on Rod, tosses him around like a rag doll in their weekly sparring sessions, and definitely doesn’t respect him, much less his stunts. But when Frank falls ill, it’s up to Rod to stage the jump of his life, in order to save his step-father. The plan: Jump 15 buses, raise the money for Frank’s heart operation, and then…kick his ass.

Jehovah's Witnesses want to save your soul, but only if you don't attack them with water balloons. 'Cause THAT pisses them off.

Paris donned a black wig to make an "incognito" escape to Maui after her Larry King interview. I guess saving the world can wait for vacation!

These emergency calls are hilarious! Except that now I've bled to death. Oh, can your taco save you now?

Beyonce's performance at the BET awards was completely unmemorable, save for the fact that she DRESSED AND ACTED LIKE A FREAKIN' GOLDEN ROBOT! Why, bootylicious lady, WHY??

Dear lord Michelle Marsh is running topless down the beach. If it were nearly any other woman on the planet, save Star Jones, it would be hot. But those "fun"-bags are like sacks of wet meat your step-dad is about to slug you with.

When gimps attack, even the long arm of the law can't save you!!

Great Northern seem to be everywhere lately. Every time I am out at a show here in Los Angeles somebody is inevitably talking about how they saw Great Northern last week and were absolutely blown away. The thing is it’s true. They are great. I was lucky enough to have my own private performance when they came by our studios. This is the first of three songs they did…more to come soon!

Sacha Baron Cohen's smokin'-hot lady-friend, Isla Fisher, is with child. May the fate of Kazakhstan be saved!!

The E! Entertainment Television building got a bomb threat this morning, but luckily Ryan Seacrest got out alive! (With his Aston Martin.)

Although both men and women look at the image of George Brett when directed to find out information about his sport and position, men tend to focus on private anatomy as well as the face. For the women, the face is the only place they viewed.

Don't miss the awkward tension between these two… Simon tells Ryan to come out, and Ryan laughs it off!

Here's Ryan Seacrest shopping with a male "friend." Hollywood grocery stores always make people look so gay!

We’ve turned one of your favorite 80’s movies into a suspenseful video game. You are Bender and you’re job is to save the rest of your friends in detention from the evil school principal!

Former Idol Kellie Pickler returned to the AI stage, only to get oggled by Ryan Seabreast. I mean Seacrest.

Britney’s hit rock bottom, and only our robot reporter can save her now!

Some of Paris Hilton's possessions were auctioned off, including hundreds of very private photos and, journals, and video. Here she is pretending to be clean. LIAR!

Zack and Slater duke it out like pansies in one of the gayest fight scenes from early-90s television!

She could save me any day!!