A dude calls a restaurant and pretends he's Christopher Walken. Hilarity ensues.

How else did you think animal crackers were made?

Ah, now we know who to call when we want some shady sex.

Watch the uncensored version of Paris Hilton’s new music video Stars Are Blind. It’s sexier than her sex tape and it won’t get you in trouble if you watch it at work!

Under a veil of extreme secrecy we’ve begun tapping the phones of famous celebrities to find out how they really act out of the public eye. Our first victims: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn!

Someone had sex with Anna Nicole and Batwoman is a huge lesbo.

In this episode, Philip Norris applauds Craigslist sex and hopes that other websites will help people get their freak on.

This week we celebrate the viruses that make sex just a little less fun. We salute you, STDs!

We though we’d do the world some good and offer you the complete and uncensored Paris Hilton Sex Tape.

If you haven’t seen the Colin Farrell Sex Tape, now is your chance. And please note: No blowup dolls were harmed in this video, only humped.

Rummy really knows how to make those reporters pay attention to him. Gayness!

It's official. Some people have a fetish for dead people.

Wanna make your friend believe that somebody they know is a sick and nasty pervert who was once thrown in jail for being a sex offender?

Finally, Chewbacca becomes an American, TomKat has boring sex, Mary-Kate quits college, and other stuff we really can’t remember right now.

Spread some creamy suntan lotion on this sex broad and make sure she doesn't get too red.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Watch Brad and Jen sing about love, breaking up, and having sex just one last time. It’s a musical masterpiece.

Have you ever wondered how your sex drive compares to other people? Looks like it's time to rate your sex drive!

The following movies are filled to the brim with references to genital warts, herpes, what have you. Watching them makes you not want to have sex.

We show you two celebs and you tell us who you'd rather…you know! Compare your results with the rest of our visitors to see how your tastes match up.