Philip Norris discusses last week's news report about Heath Ledger's death and celebrity drinking and drug use.

Heath Ledger is dead and Philip Norris is angry. Find out why, and what his rant has to do with soccer balls!

This week Philip Norris is appalled that Jessica Alba would destroy her body by getting pregnant.

This commercial is a promise that Chuck Norris will be Mike Huckabee's running mate right?

This week Philip Norris brings you the week’s most fabulously racist news.

This week Britney loses her kids, David Copperfield rapes somebody, and other important worldly events. Philip Norris has the latest!

This week Philip Norris interviews Britney Spears’ kids! Are they drunk?

This week Philip Norris talks OJ, Britney and all those other people you love to hate.

The "Will It Blend" series faces the ultimate challenge: Chuck Norris. Nobody bets against Chuck Norris, his hand is the only hand that beats a royal flush.

This week Philip Norris lays the smack down on Paris, Pavarotti, and Jerry Lewis!

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

From drunk driving midgets to pregnant sandwiches, Philip Norris is bringing you the goods one celebrity jackass at a time!

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

Philip Norris celebrates America’s independence by saluting all the reasons we totally kick ass.

We did it. We caved in to your demands. Philip Norris has returned to the LG news desk and he has a year’s worth of stories to unleash his cranky fury on.

Chuck used to have a cartoon in the '80s called Karate Kommandos. It was basically the A-Team but lame.

OooOOooh! Someone painted the ceiling of the smoking lounge to feel like you're inside your grave! Take THAT, Philip Morris!

Chuck Norris doesn't wear pants. Pants come to him to seek protection.

This week we have Screech sex, terror torture, and Anna’s father fiasco. Philip Norris has the stories, and a 15 billion dollar MySpace profile.

Anna Nicole makes cash, Spinach makes you sick, and the Paparazzi makes Diaz’s day. Philip Norris has the stories, and he’s hopped up on “Cocaine.”