There's a first. Paris acting like a drunken slut. Again.

Looks like Paris's wonky lazy eye gets kicked into overhaul when she's wasted! These are real before-and-after photos of her recent night out at Teddy's.

Now I KNOW this has to be a fake photo -- they're BOTH eating, at the same time??

Paris & Nikki got frisky and weird in their limo over the weekend. Eww, bitches, you're SISTERS!

Paris, Lindsay and Britney are the "Three Disgraces" - like Greek mythology for the celebutard set.

Weirdly enough, later this night Lindsay went out clubbing with Paris! (Seriously.)

"Here, honeyyyyyy, you nip's slipping out a littlllllle. Lemme just cover it ith my haaaaaand. We're hot even when we're waaasteeed."

Friends poop alike.

"I'm Paris Hilton and I can do whatever I want… including walking my wasted friend out of my house at 6am in clothes I lent her so she didn't have to do the Walk of Shame in front of all these papparazzi."

Paris attended the Jay-Z convertin Vegas this weekend, spending most of her time with her BACK to the stage! After his performance, the perpetually self-absorbed heiress jumped on stage and had the DJ play a couple of her songs so she could lip-sync along -- but she puked instead!

The Japanese are truly the greatest people on Earth!

LG has scored an exclusive interview with Paris Hilton. In the video she interviews none other than – PARIS HILTON! She’d make Barbara Walters proud.

"The Art of War"? This is totally a fake photo!

Later this night, Paris Hilton arrested herself for drunk driving.

If every 12-year-old's fantasy came true like this, we'd have to re-write the pedophilia laws.

Short textParis really knows how to dance -- and act like a drunk, pantsless whore!

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.

Mel faces Jail, New York faces heat, and Paris faces the press (and looks dumb). Philip Norris has the latest, and doesn’t have sex with boys!

Here's an art house short film of Paris Hilton. It's so David Lynch dude. Totally. Indie till we die.

Director Vincent Gallo put Paris Hilton in a microwave and all he got was this stinkin' video.