This Middle Eastern burial is very traditional – until the worst possible thing happens.

Conan sends Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to the Tonys, where he avoids all jokes about gays and how lame plays are. Just kidding, he's friggin hilarious.

"Stars Are Blind" remade by a sexy fake-Paris into an "autobiographical" story about going to jail. She gets cozy with the sheriff! Oh yeah!

There's a sinkhole in Mexico, and it's in Britney's ass. Too bad it couldn't suck up any of her cellulite (or crappy weave, for that matter).

The MTV Movie Awards always prompts some sort of gimmicky hi-jinx. Here's Jessica and Sarah pretending to go all "college-experimental" in front of America.

Eva Cavalli, sister of designer Roberto Cavalli, was working the runway when she had a fashion disaster! Good thing you were wearing knickers, Eva!

Douche Gone Wild.

This cute little kitty has a turtle buddy that likes to play. You'd think it'd be no match, but, damn! Watch that turtle go! Adorable AND violent!!

GQ goes behind the scenes at the Victoria's Secret fashion show to prove that it's not secretly a gay mag.

I went to the beach over the weekend and saw this woman whose sunglasses I loved!

Paris Hilton got sentenced to 45 days in jail! YAY!!!!

Vic Becks recently showed off her bullet nips, but there was something else going on with her outfit... then it hit me – Vagina Power lady!!

Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz wears eyeliner, but since he's a boy, we call it guyliner. Apparently this was worth an entire People Magazine news piece. I'm going to go kill myself now.

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

If you’re saying to yourself right now: “Self, I know I’ve heard this song before but can’t remember where,” chances are you watch a little program called Grey’s Anatomy. Let’s Go Sailing have become a staple on the show with not one or two but three songs receiving placement in those super dramatic almost laughable scenes. I don’t know about the show, but the band is great as evidenced by their stripped down version of the soon to be huge song “Sideways.” Good stuff!

Rosie's leaving The View! It seems the Donald has won!!

Can you decide if the picture you’re looking at is a Sex Clown or Circus Clown? You’re not going to sleep tonight after watching this.

New daddy Larry Birkhead poses with his daughter DanniLynn on the cover of OK! magazine. Let the media-whoring begin!!

New daddy Larry Birkhead poses with his daughter DanniLynn in OK! magazine. Let the media-whoring begin!!

It's not easy being a mommy. Changing diapers, enforcing naptime, and having to hoist up your udders when oyu go out.