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Prongs Author Image

In Defense of "Jersey Shore"

By: Prongs
January 05 2010, 6:45 AM

 

Since it's premiere, MTV's "Jersey Shore" has received a staggering amount of criticism from the New Jersey Italian American Legislative Council. Caucus Chairman Joseph "Joey Ravioli" Vitale said the "wildly offensive" show promotes derogatory ethnic stereotypes. And in a letter to Viacom, MTV's parent company, Joey Ravioli demanded that the show be cancelled, and in exchange, he would "send you's some meatballs and Grigio."

Perhaps he should have sent an oaky Chard, because "Jersey Shore" remains on the air. And personally, I think MTV has some freshly waxed balls for keeping Mike's freshly waxed situation around. But more importantly, in the hysteria surrounding the casts' love of offensively smearing ricotta on each other's wife beaters and then licking it off (rather, it should be licked off and then spit into an al dente shell), the media hasn't even bothered to report on the most positive aspect of the show:

The young women of the cast. 

For far too long, MTV reality series have focused on drunk, slutty women with perfectly-proportioned, unattainable body types, so it's nice to finally see MTV choosing drunk, slutty women with far sloppier body types easily attained by the second semester of freshmen year. The big-boned women, Angelina, Jenni "J-Woww", Nicole "Snooki", and Sammi "Sweetheart" clearly have healthy appetites and spend most of their time consuming New Jersey's four basic food groups: Everclear, cranberry juice, ice, and calzones.

And instead of obsessively exercising on the treadmill for hours at a time, these all-natural ladies are showing girls everywhere that there are far safer more interactive ways to burn those unwanted ice calories off. Like spending time in the Jacuzzi, for instance. Simultaneously chugging vodka, removing your bra, and manually stimulating a situation, all while sitting in oppressive heat, offer a superb cardio session. And though not scientifically proven, it may also help you take a punch.

So step off, detractors, and give this show the friggin' respect it deserves, and don't trim the fat.

(Note: While Prongs has never actually watched "Jersey Shore", she did grow up in New Jersey, so any assumptions made above are not assumptions, but actual fact. Peace & Meatballs, Audi 5000.)

 

 

The Joe Francis/Jayde Nicole Security Footage

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Jayde Nicole Is Hot for a Douchebag

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New Anna Nicole Smith Footage

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Anna Nicole is Covered in Vomit

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Nicole Richie Is Pensive

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Nicole's *Shocking* BBQ Invite

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Nicole's Skinny Cover-Up

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IT OFFICIAL! BABYDADDY!

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Larry Birkhead has been named the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn as a result of a paternity test today.

 

Star Jones is Nicole Richie

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Here's a question: Was Al Reynolds gay before he married Star? Or did he just turn gay? (See picture)

 

Anna Nicole's Autopsy Results

Anna Nicole's Autopsy Results

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Larry Birkhead's Anna Nicole Tattoo

Larry Birkhead's Anna Nicole Tattoo

Larry shows his Anna tattoo to the good people at Access Hollywood. It's kinda weird.

 

Anna Nicole's Final Movie

Anna Nicole's Final Movie

"Illegal Aliens" is as big of a B-movie as you can get. And Chyna Doll's performance is worthy of a John Waters film!

 

Anna Nicole's Autopsy Results FAKED!

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The Enquirer is claiming the results of Anna Nicole Smith's autopsy were faked and underestimated! Scandal!

 

Larry Birkhead's Anna Tattoo

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Anna Nicole's Funeral

Anna Nicole's Funeral

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Anna Nicole Death Photo

Anna Nicole Death Photo

The Enquirer published ths photo of Anna Nicole's corpse, even though the picture wasn't real. How low will they go?