Oh really? You stopped taking food stamps? Gawd, this isn't fair! Whose is gonna keep my buns warm now? Huh? HUH!?

If you're not laughing, the jokes about you. Or it's just not funny.

In theaters 12-25-07. A drama based on the true story of Melvin B. Tolson, a professor at Wiley College Texas. In 1935, he inspired students to form the school's first debate team, which went on to challenge Harvard in the national championship.

This would truly be the act of a national hero. Oh, if only someone had the balls.

Ricky Martin… National Coming out day was just recently upon us… hint, hint.

Listen up sleuths, Carmen San Diego was spotted at the Lahore National Airport, you have 15 minutes to trap her by naming off African countries. Rockapella, take it away!

In theaters 2-29-08. Will Ferrell stars in Semi-Pro, an outrageous comedy set in 1976 against the backdrop of the maverick ABA - a fast-paced, wild and crazy basketball league that rivaled the NBA and made a name for itself with innovations like the three-point shot and slam dunk contest.

In theaters 2-18-08. Based on the Steven Gould novel, "Jumper" follows a young man from a broken home who discovers that he has the ability to teleport. In his quest for the man he believes is responsible for the death of his mother, the kid draws the attention of the National Security Agency and another youth with the same abilities.

National Geographic's upcoming special is the most awesome news from them since we saw naked African women in their magazines back in the fourth grade.

In theaters 12-21-07. Treasure hunter Benjamin Franklin Gates (Cage) looks to discover the truth behind the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, by uncovering the mystery within the 18 pages missing from assassin John Wilkes Booth's diary.

The Koreans may have less talented baseball players than Major League Baseball, but when it comes to a brawl they know how to make it interesting.

It is good to see minor leaguers are learning how to kick some ass. Hopefully they get called up and teach Barry or A-Rod a lesson or two with their fists.

Check out these hot pillow-swingin' ladies! http://www.gopfl.com/

Silversun Pickups have really blown up over last year, what with their single getting heavy national radio play and even making an appearance on Late Night with David Letterman. So we were blown away when frontman Brian Aubert said he’d come by the LG Studios to play us some songs. We saw first hand why everyone is talking about this band…one of the best Studio Sessions we have ever had!

There are dozens of national and world disasters going on… but there's only one we're concerned with RIGHT NOW.

If you don't know the words to a song, don't sing it. It's that simple.

For purposes of national security we have to ask: How F**king American Are You?