"Oh hi, are you taking a picture of me? Sure is a weird time to take a picture of me, all awkwardly bent over, not smiling and such...oh you can see down my shirt? Wonderful."

How bad do you think Al Roker wanted to say "Show me dick"?

Which Verne Troyer appearance is more offensive, Love Guru or this? Discuss.

If you could drop me off at my car that'd be great.

The uncomfortable boots with bondage straps look is so last year, although Chris Martin is probably into that stuff.

This Spring you're going to come down with a fever -- a Spring Fever! (we're hilarious.

She's talking about her best friend.

"I'm not a dude" is the new "don't tase me bro"?

Vote for Phillip Norris in 2008! He has a plan to end the war, stop a recession, and start telling polish jokes again!

Send this e-card to your friends, family, or even those you hate. A LiquidGeneration E-Card never discriminates!

They tried to make her go to rehab, but she said no, no, no, tape me smoking crack and sell it to the press instead.

This purse says "I am strong and independent, back off". Or, "I am a terrorist, detain me without question for many years at a time."

Maybe I don't want to die... I am just going to call this number here and maybe someone will tell me how important and loved I am… oh… well…never mind.

There are no words to describe this beauty. It's like looking into the sun and hearing the words, "My dad never took me fishing when I was a boy, this will teach him".

Aww look a baby puffy fish! Or… Jenna Jameson!

No Michael, we didn't come to see you. We are here for your delicious breads and pastries. Duh…

You best not step to me bleatch, I ain't gonna play.

A motorcycle made of polished wood. It's pretty cool if you are into wood… and shiz.

"Trust me, this works every time. Usually they continue to cry for a while, but after about 30 seconds they are fast asleep… for a while."

"Yo April! Splinter just escaped from… screw it. Who the hell shaved me like a dumb ass turtle? … and paint? Seriously?"