Listen kids, love will not keep you together. Crack might, just look at Whitney and Bobby at Joe's Crab Shack

In this Pac-Man parody, help Mary-Kate Olsen snort boatloads of primo cocaine. Be sure to play this with your kids.

At first it looks like this kid is a big old douche bag, but near the end he knocks the other guy to the floor, with some major speed. Wax on, Wax off my friend.

Teaching kids eight and under about the magic and fun of Lindsay Lohan’s latest coke-fuelled party antics!

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles once made PSAs for kids. This one shows toddlers can avoid the temptations of marijuana cigarettes.

Clever kids build a loop-de-loop on a train track... and it works! Of course they aren't American :(

Some psycho decided to scare the kids away from 4th of July fireworks by blowin' up some radical stuff! Dude, checkkit, we can make 'splosions!!!!

Hard Gay is not the kind of guy you'd leave alone with your kids. So let's watch him try to make a little boy enjoy some food!

This psycho kid needs his Unreal Tournament! And his meds! *With translation!

Our favorite Japanese leather daddy, Hard Gay, is here to make sure the kids are appreciating their daddies on Father's Day!

...And he's still an ugly man. Booyah!

Johnny hit the jackpot this summer when he realized he could fill freezer bags with grass-clippings and make a fortune selling weed to Jr. High kids.

Conan sends Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to the Tonys, where he avoids all jokes about gays and how lame plays are. Just kidding, he's friggin hilarious.

You Damn Kids!

An 11-year-old shot and killed a massive, half-ton wild hog that was even bigger than the famed 'Hogzilla.' The kid's hunting career started at age five. Nice.

Call us cruel, but we love it when some jackass is screwing around and gets the short end of fate's stick. Especially when they're dumb white kids from the 'burbs and they're screwing around in their buddy's crappy Accord.

Exclusive Video! David Hasselhoff's kid films him eating on the floor while warning him about not drinking any more booze that night, lest he lose his job. That's one sad dad.

They say they're hanging out for their kids' benefit. I say they're screwing.

Movie game time! Just match the pictures to make movie titles and you win a million dollars! (Just kidding about the million dollars!)

Kids are SOOO adorable when they talk about monsters, and say words they shouldn't.