Tom Cruise can almost walk under her legs.

Katie Holmes is simply excited because Tom Cruise isn't by her side.

A parody of the hit 50 Cent song where Tom Cruise rolls into a candy shop to pick up the last remaining virgin in Hollywood : the young and innocent Katie Holmes.

In theaters 1-18-08. Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes star as three female employees of the Federal Reserve who plot to steal money that is about to be destroyed.

Tom Cruise and Katie "Robot" Holmes have used the power of Xenu to fast forward time to see what their beautiful baby girl will look like. My eyes… my eyes.

Tom & Katie boogied their butts off at the Beckhams "Welcome to America" party – apparently the chicken dance makes Tom sweat!

Katie Holmes is reportedly being punished by the "church" of Sciencrappery for not abiding by their alien overlords rules! No, Katie, NOOOOO!

How did Katie Holmes Cruise give birth to TomKitten? David Spade spills the beans.

Okay, we get it. You love animals, especially flying rats. Katie, you look stupid.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Tom Cruise is known for his devotion to Scientology, being crazy, having a baby with Katie Holmes, but did you know he also makes movies? It’s true! That’s why we devoted a whole Stupid Movie Quiz to this quackjob.