In theaters 11-21-07. "August Rush" tells the story of a charismatic young Irish guitarist (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and a sheltered young cellist (Keri Russell) who have a chance encounter one magical night above New York's Washington Square, but are soon torn apart, leaving in their wake an infant, August Rush, orphaned by circumstance. Now performing on the streets of New York and cared for by a mysterious stranger (Robin Williams), August (Freddie Highmore) uses his remarkable musical talent to seek the parents from whom he was separated at birth.

The long, slender bones of grandma's rotting hands really accentuate baby Jane's soft features. Jane can only dream of having hair as nice as grandmas.

John Travolta is blessed by the power of Xenu. His magical thetans can transform him from "G.I Jane" to "Movie Flop" instantly.

...But the latest issue of Jane Magazine has photoshopped them out on their cover image. Very sneaky, Jane Mag.

Jesse Jane was "Best Dressed" on the red carpet at the AVNs. If you think this isn't a big deal, you obviously haven't seen the way most porn stars dress!!

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.