After months of China sending us all their ass backwards products, the US finally retaliated by sending over Paris Hilton, in a free container marked "Penis Enlargement Cream."

This new F1 lawnmower is built for speed, comfort and the expedient removal of your limbs.

Building a bridge over a river bed, because you think you're the man? Well Nature came up and just crap slapped you. Sit your ass down!

This is a bad ass costume. We would even consider this "Super Green"!

Because you always wanted to see your apples kick mayo's smug ass.

This is the best hit on someone not playing football since Terry Tate was running around offices opening a can of whoop ass.

This is the health industry's answer to sugary food? Cooking with ass batter? No thanks pooh, that’s one rumbly in my tumbly, we don’t want.

This Halloween you can go as some dumb ass "sluty fairy", which we all know is just an excuse to act like a whore, or you can go as Wacko Jacko! Look at them eyes!

Miss Cleo wasn't needed to predict the outcome of this Halloween costume. 24 better start writing episodes around Jack being "falsely accused".

"3 days my ass, you get back here you sneaky devil! Set your Proton Packs to resurrection!"

This poor guy tattooed his wife and kids on his back only to find out she was cheating on him with a younger man. Maybe you can cover with face up with a kick ass rose!

Hell no, I am not going to smell that. I don’t care how long he has been missing. It looks like he was missing his ass by about 2 feet long before he even got himself lost.

This guy is going to get so much ass tonight! Oh, he just threw up on himself? LIGHTNING ROUND!

This is the best way to make sure the terrorists don’t win.

"Yo April! Splinter just escaped from… screw it. Who the hell shaved me like a dumb ass turtle? … and paint? Seriously?"

Wow, it looks like a huge swollen pair of lips with lipstick only on the upper lip. Of course you have to blur your vision to see it, but how else are you expected to look at a fat person?

There is nothing worse than a stinky ass child. Don't let your child's off putting body odor further offend your senses, wrap that little bastard in pine fresh scents.

You know, in the long run these really aren't that big. Sure, they are delicious, but in no way are they worthy of being noted as "ass" sized.

So apparently women are into baby flesh. Dad can only get Mom's attention if he shaves his face to resemble a baby's ass.

Slowly and calmly, this moron tries to rob a bank in front of the bank's security guard. A slaphappy game of grab ass ensues.