It is so much nicer, driving to work in the morning, with this movie being promoted

As opposed to this one

One of these isn't like the others

This weekend Lindsay Lohan went to the beach to test out the new beer gut she had installed in her stomach early that day. It can hold 3.5 more liters of alcohol and about 10 more Big Macs than her regular God-made stomach.

(via The Superficial)

Rue McClanahan (1934-2010)

I'm not promoting anything, Homeland Security can worry about REAL things, but...tonight, West Hollywood will burn!!! People will take to the streets, move Betty White to an undisclosed safe house, and challenge Death to a duel. It'll kinda be a practice for the Rapture, since the same people will be around for both.

I'm not joking, does anyone have a visual confirmation on Betty White? This is not a drill, much like Highlander (a movie or TV show I've never actually seen), there is only one Golden Girl *sob*

This just proves it. 

 

We always kinda suspected she tastes like pepperoini.

(via)

Not to disparage the mentally handicapped, but Lindsay Lohan is clearly retarded...right?

Those are lines of cocaine in front of her (reportedly) and she's smiling for the picture. She knew she was being photographed...so it's safe to say she's retarded.

Here's a dispatch from the Furry Movement. A portrait of a man or lady dressed as a dog...while holding their dog. What's scary about this isn't the fact that the Furry appears to be on crystal meth, what's scary is that somebody allowed this person into their studio to take this photograph. We believe in Limited Government, but when citizens are allowed to dress like freaking morons and these freaking morons are allowed to own dogs and these morons somehow find a way to use the internet and upload these photos, well, we just think there should be a special Waterboarding and Execution Division of the US Government that would punish people who do these sort of things. It's not adorable, dude.  It's just disturbing and sad and we're going to go to our room and cry now. 

You can see more of this disgustingness here.

Wouldn't it be funny, if they turned out to be the same person. Like Bruce Wayne and Batman...although, I'm not sure who would be Batman?!?!?

It's been awhile since Jennifer Aniston's been on our mind, quite possibly because she' really boring and we never watched Friends. We also forgot how awesomely hot she was -- and still is apparently. Check out these photos from the set of her her new movie. She basically has the body of a 19-year-old, even though she's probably like 55-years-old. Our ass started to sag at 15, so well done Ms. Aniston. 

 

Girls, music, booze, a little girl? Something is not right here, and it's definitely not the alcohol. My best guess is one of the girls dancing is her other daughter.

Click Here to see some bad celebrity parenting.

We know it's fashionable to make fun of Taylor Lautner, the kid with the six-pack abs from Twilight. But we're not a-holes. We recognize Taylor's genius and that's why we're excited for a new comic book about the Half-Wolf Hero that will be in our sweaty hands come August. Just look at this cover:

The day that this is released is going to be the best day in the world. And this post is totally written without irony.

Peanuts and Spider-Man and Watchmen all suck balls compared to Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates. It's going to win the Nobel Prize for Making You Crap Your Pants.

Via SadandUseless.com. See the whole set here.)

This weekend Steve Jobs and Gawker blogger Ryan Tate got into a little email fight where one basically accused the other of being an ass and the other responded by basically calling the other guy an ass, all because of nerd reasons that we won't get into right now. The only good little nugget from this email exchange is that Steve Jobs - the guy who makes the machine that you use to wank off on internet porn every night while pretending to watch Jimmy Fallon - is trying to protect your freedoms. Specifically, Freedom from Porn.

(image via topherchris)

If you're in the market for a cheap but entertaining DJ for your wedding, be sure to give this guy a call. He is an internet hero right now.

Because we're curious bastards, we noticed the Stardust Entertainment sign on the DJ's podium, so we paid their website a little visit. This is what it had to say:

Basically, they are such little liars, beause anyone who would use Comic Sans on their website is totally into booby slapping. Everyone knows that.

Look out Jessica Alba and Giselle, there's a new sexpot in town and he's taking over the internet.

This is who I guessed...

Even if plastic surgery can't fix what's inside, it can provide a serious distraction.

(Look at my boobs, now look at my dent.....look at my boobs, now look at my dent. You're growing sleepy and sympathetic to my problems.)

This just breaking: America's sweatheart, Sandra Shark, has adopted a delicious baby. The baby weighs just 7lbs and is said to contain at least 70% meat, which sharks just love, especially the celebrity kind. This news comes just as Sandra Shark has confirmed to People Magazine her divorce from the head of Facebook's Adolf Hitler Fanclub page, Jessie James. CONGRATS, SANDRA SHARK!

Kristin Cavallari once entered our dreams, held us at gunpoint and threatened to shoot unless we stopped pleasuring ourselves to her photos. Hilariously, we didn't comply with her demands because she was just an illusion with a watergun. Illusions with waterguns aren't scary at all, Kristin. Gawd, you're so stupid.

(via The Superficial)