We can all agree that punching a girl in the face is totally unacceptable. But what if that girl was excruciatingly annoying, gave birth to Dr. Phil and her name was Oprah? Would it be okay then? No, it wouldn't be. But after watching this video of Oprah screaming celebrity names for 25 years, we'd totally understand how somebody would want to kick the living crap out of their Oprah-playing television sets and then throw themselves off the nearest building, killing themselves and hopefully anyone else who saw this thing. Seriously, it's painful. It makes us think that anybody who's watched The Oprah Show for the last 25 years must be devoid of any form of sound judgement, or at least that part of the brain that makes you go, "Oh, CRAZY TRAIN ALERT! **CLICK** It's Maury Povich time."

In case you haven't, make sure you check out our Twilight parody, Twilight Whispers. We showed this to a group of 14-year-old girls and they threatened to kill our famiies if we ever made fun of Edward and Bella again. But we told them not to worry. We're told them we were totally TEAM JACOB and they were like "OMG! US TOO!" and now we're all BFFs. See how this works? These people are stupid. Anyway, hope you enjoy the video and hopefully you won't have to hear about Twilight for at least another year, or until one of them takes off their shirt again. We hope next time it's Bella (wait, she's legal right?).

The weekend is hear and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Maybe you should try learning how to cook a turkey before you embarass yourself in front of the family you hate.

But it will surely put you in the Friend Zone. This Christian Rap group is so going places.

PailIsTheNewTan.com will change your life forever. Or at least until you vomit all over your computer screen. Since when to people spreak Marmalade on their skin? Delicious!

After hearing about a new movie called Twilight: New Moon and that it's kind of a big deal, LiquidGeneration contacted the nearest middle school to see if anyone was interested in writing a review of the movie for us. This is the review we received.

OHHH MY GAWWWWD YOU GUYS YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS BUT I SAW EDWARD CULLEN WITH HIS SHIRT OFF I CAN TOTALLY DIE NOW. I PRAY THAT HE COMES TO MY SCHOOL AND SWEEPS ME OFF MY FEET AND ME AND HIM CAN RUN AWAY AFTER HE MURDERS BELLA BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME AND THEN WE KISS DURING STUDY HALL THEN WE HAVE SO MANY BABIES OMG THIS MOVIE WAS SO GOOOOOD.

SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD. I CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY EYES OPEN RIGHT NOW ME AND MY FRO9ENDS WENT TO THE MIDNIGHT SCREENING AND WE ATE POPCORN BUT NOT MY FAT FRIEND ANGELA SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO GO ON A DIET BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO LOOK GOOD FOR JACOB!!!@!!!! LIKE REALLY, ANGELA, JACOB DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST YOU WERE A FANNY PACK TO SCHOOL AND YOUR FAT HE'S TOTALLY NOT GOING TO BE INTO YOU. MAYBE ONE OF THE GUYS FROM HARRY POTTER LIKE THAT FIRE CROTCH KID, BUT NOT JACOB. JACOB IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ANGELA AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT BUT I'M SORRY YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SHOT BUT IT WAS SO NICE SEEING THE MOVIE WITH A BFF JUST LIKE YOU.

SPEAKING OF!!! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE JACOB IS GOING OUT WITH THAT GAWKY SQUINTY FISH FACE TAYLOR SWIFT. WHAT KIND OF LOSER DOES SHE THINK SHE IS ANYWAY. EVERYBODY KNOWS JACOB IS JUST USING HER FOR SEX EWEWWWWW. SHE'S SUCH A DIRTY SKANK IF SHE WAS IN MY CLASS I BET SH'E GIVE  EVERYBODY AIDS WITH HER EYES. I H8 U TAYLOR DON'T COME NEAR ME!!!!!!

!!@!!@W!@!!@@@@@@@@!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY THING I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IN THIS MOVIE IS BELLA. I'M SORRY SHE'S JUST SOOOOO STUCK UP ALL THE TIME AND SHE BITES HER LIP WHAT'S ON THERE ANYWAY? DO HER LIPS TASTE LIKE LICORICE OR SOMETHING OR IS SHE TRYING TO EAT A ZIT OFF THEM I BET IT'S THE ZIT. SHE'S TOTALLY NOT A GOOD PERSON FOR EDWARD HER FACE LOOKS LIKE A TROLL. WHAT DOES HE EVEN SEE HER IN HER? I REALLY HOPE SHE DIES EVENTUALLY BECAUSE EDWARD DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER DON'T YOUTHINK? I MEAN, I'M SORRY IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S SOME AMAZINGH PERSON WHO CAN COOL AND WILL CLEAN FOR HIM AND GIVE HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDS LIKE I WOULD. I WOULD TOTALLY ROCK HIS WORLD IF HE MET ME I JUST KNOW IT...JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE EDWORD YOU KNOW YOU'D LOVE ME FOREVAHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHH! CAN'T WAIT TILL PARTY 3 COMES OUT IT WILL BE SO MUCH FUN!!!

LOVE YOU.

One of the artists here (Heri!) really loves Twilight, but he likes to pretend he's so above it and makes fun of those (me) who show just an ounce of interest in the movie. Whatever. BELLA 4 EVAH!

You know God's just getting back at the world for all the horrible webshows on the internet. Instead of just picking us off one by one and sending us to heavan or hell, he's just tossing us about like ragdolls. JUST TAKE US ALREADY, GOD!!! STOP EMBARASSING US!

It's happend with Jesus on pieces of cloth and tree bark, and now it's happening with Michael Jackson on hospital baby scans. What you see here is not just a baby, but the majestic face of the King of Pop Himself, Michael Jackson. This is such a miracle, you guys. How blessed are the parents of this child? Not only does their child look like Michael Jackson, but he'll probably sound and grab his crotch just the way He did. They can only hope, we're sure.

In the name of the Father, Son, and Michael Jackson. Amen.

(via Telegraph.co.uk)

For some reason a box of Sprinkles Cupcakes, Mrs. Fields Cookies, and some leftover Halloween cookies were sitting on an empty desk inside LG Headquarters. So was a bottle of the weightloss drug Zantrex (we have no idea how that got there...perhaps somebody is sending us a message? Collectively, the company only weights 50000 billion pounds so I don't what that message can be). Anyway, thought we'd open up an LG store to give some of this stuff away (except the Zantrex!). If you'd like any of these things please let us know. Or if you have any other questions or complaints. Our email talkback@liquidgeneration.com!

This girl has an amazing talent that she's been working on since she shot out of her mother's womb. She can sneeze like there's no tomorrow. We totally wish we could do this so people wouldn't sit next to us on the airplane.

Dear Helga,

I’ve always been fit, but recently, I’ve been stressed out and working a lot, and I’ve put on 10 pounds. I’m horrified by it, but my boyfriend says that he can’t tell the difference. I find that extremely hard to believe. Are guys really that nonchalant about weight?

Dear Tenner,

Of the few certainties in life, you can be certain of two things: 1.) men don’t fake orgasm – and 2.) are NOT nonchalant about YOUR weight.

Even though your BF may be carrying the last 50 beers he drank around his belly, your extra dime is a bigger crown of thorns for him than for you. But – he is wisely taking the passive approach – for now. He wants to see if you are really as horrified as you claim to be.

Get your tonnage back to the gym big-cheeks. You’re not following process. First you marry him and pop out 2.5 children THEN you can cut your hair, gain your weight, quit your job and whatever else you women do before settling on the couch for the next 30 years.  

Love,

Helga

Do you have a question that can only be answered by our uncircumcised, pre-operative transsexual? Write to him/her: helga@helgasmailroom.com

Or Visit: http://www.helgasmailroom.com

Or, better yet, get bent.

Okay, whatever. Diet starts tomorrow.

(via eatingtheroad)

Yes, we're not going to lie. We're going to go see Twilight just like everybody else is. However, we're buying up the 50 seats surrounding us because we don't want to sit next to the people in the videos below. It's not that we find them so annoying, we just don't want to share our tissues with them!  (Just kidding! (j/k again!) (j/k!) (no really, j/k!)

The Nutty Madam

The Chubster Spazzes

Click here to see the rest...