Lulu does not tolerate fake cats.

It's rarely celebrated, but when it is...this holiday rocks!

Celebrating the Fourth of July a little early.

Have a message for you!

Listen to their rendition of 'Jingle Bells.'

Thank God for stupid people, willing to humiliate themselves, for our benefit.

You're going to end up at a lot of parties in the next 10 days. Some good, most horrendous. Here  are a few tips for getting out of a couple bad holiday situations.

Problem: Bad Party with more old people at it than you expected. What I do: Guerilla warfare. There's a laundry list of things you can do to destroy a party from within. Number one is clog the main toilet. This can shorten a party by hours, and if it's a small apartment with only one bathroom, you could bring it to a screeching halt right then and there. The best way to do this is with paper towels. Toilet paper is made to break up in water; paper towels are made to keep their structure as well as possible. Smuggle paper towels into the bathroom. This might be tough to pull off; if people are around, do it one at a time, like how Andy Dufresne smuggled the pieces of his cell wall into the yard in Shawshank Redemption. When you have a bunch, flush 'em. Once the problem is known to the host, say something like "thanks for having us, looks like you've got your hands full, though!"
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Like all people who don't consult the Bible to solve practical problems, I'm at war with Christmas. I wish people "Happy Holidays" , promote the idea of Santa Claus in order to deflect attention away from the role of the Christ-child, and accentuate the pagan elements of the celebration in favor of the Christian ones, which are in extreme danger with our country maintaining a paltry incidence of Christians at a mere 76%. And why wouldn't I? I stand to gain so much from the effort, I really can't afford not to. But we need a shot in the arm. So I'm mining the great war-mongers of the past for material. What do say, Genghis? How would you attack Christmas?

Genghis Khan: Well, first I'd find a few stores that feature religiously neutral decorations, like holly, wreaths, and maybe even some Kwanzaa stuff, because they'd clearly be part of the war effort. I'd absorb them into my army and ride to a store that has the nerve to wish people "Merry Christmas" when they check out. While riding we'd drag yule logs behind our horses to kick up extra dust and give the appearance of greater numbers. When I arrived at the store, let's say it's a Wal-Mart in Texas, I'd explain to the manager that he can either surrender, or everyone in the store can be killed. Then I'd camp out that night, instructing my soldiers to each light 3 Christmas trees apiece instead of just one, again to give the impression of greater numbers. We'd probably light a few Menorahs as well, just to show how at war with Christmas we really are. Naturally, there would be no praying.

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There's something about despicable acts of aggressive consumerism, that just puts me in the holiday mood.

Well, it's happened again. You've blasted through another year and suddenly it's Thanksgiving again. We do a big Thanksgiving down here. It's a good holiday for a diverse crowd, since it's secular and you don't really need to explain much, even to people who have never heard of it. Have a big feast, open a few bottles of wine. Everybody "gets it". And holidays that center around cooking are big in Hell, since heat is easy to come by in a lake of fire that burns hotter than the hottest earthly flame.

I'm hosting this year like I always do. It used to be a real treat for everyone to come to my place, since I lived in the most exclusive neighborhood in all of Hell. Guests would make jokes like "What's the cover charge going to be?" But while my neighborhood was nice when I moved in, it's pretty shitty now. One of the hazards of eternity, I guess, unless you want to move every hundred years. Now the place is really run down and all the businesses have left. I knew we'd hit the skids when I drove by a Souplantation with my neighbor Ron and he said, without irony, "It would be really cool if we could get one of those". It's come to that. Now people make jokes like "Yeah, we'll be there, just let me get my flak jacket out of the attic".

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Over the years we've made A LOT of St. Patrick's Day cartoons featuring our favorite character The Angry Leprchaun. We even started using him for cartoons for other holidays because that's just how awesome he is - plus it's really hard to come up with good characters. He just works for everything  we want to do. And he's a drunk and drunks are always hilarious. Especially when they have Irish accents. So here's a smattering of Angry Leprechaun St. Patrick's Day e-cards and toons that you can send your friends today!

Note: Yes, the Leprechaun's drawing style and voice has changed over the years. That's what happens when you become more advanced and professional!

Don't Drink & Drive With The Angry Leprechaun - This one rawks. The Angry Leprechaun goes on a drunk driving rampage.

The Evil Leprechaun: Cabbage & Gravy - one of the first cartoons to feature the Angry Leprechaun. For some reason we called him "evil" back then.

St. Patrick's Day: A Girl From China - one of the more recent ones

Angry Leprechaun's Public Service Announcement - He does good things for the community.

The Evil Leprechaun: Lovely Lassie - Again, one of the first two Angry Leprechaun e-cards we've ever made.

Beer Before Liquor PSA - Another "More You Know" PSA...

Drink Responsibly - He sure did love doing these PSA. We wonder how many lives these things have saved?

St. Patricks' Day E-Card: My Darling - Send this too your loved one...

St. Patrick's Day Limmerick: A Good Looking Mommy - For the MILFs.

Enjoy!

Nothing screams festive like a holiday photo of a scantily clad woman of questionable intelligence posing with her lovely lumps.

Much like Santa's sack, Nadia Suleman's uterus is the gift that keeps on giving. Now, pass the eggnog! (Maybe hold the egg on her's.)

Tiger Woods isn't the only tiger being naughty this holiday season. We've found some others who are just as despicable.

See more after the jump by clicking here!