Some zoological geniuses cross-bred a zebra and a horse. Now if they can just get it to mate with a unicorn, I can finally die happy.

Happy Paris was greeted by the press and her family outside Lynwood Correction Facility at her releasal Monday night.

Chrisopher Blue has apparently been soaked in booze. Was he drunk during his session? No, BUT every review I have read about him compares his songs to Tom Waits and says he has “blues-soaked vocals.” I dunno about all that, but I do know this is one helluva performance. Watch it…now!

HEY! Do you need gratuitous amounts of ENERGY? Then drink POWERTHIRST!!!

Everyone knows Rusky Slovak commie meat-heads are a waste of vodka, but these two douches sucker-punch a guy's gal. They get theirs, though!

Happy birthday, Hot Stuff! This stud's got a big ol' pile of frosting *just* for you!

Seriously, was kind of drunk jerk laughs when they're telling young people not to drink and drive? And who exactly was making this crappy-ass low-budget commercial??

Nicole Richie sent a sarcastic yet caustic email invitation to her Memorial Day BBQ that demanded binge-drinking and anorexia at the bash. Later Mischa Barton passed out.

Now that she's BACK in rehab with a DUI under her belt, Svedka Vodka has pulled the plug on hosting her party (as in, busloads of free vodka) and the tragic irony of a 20-year-old in a drunk driving accident just weeks before her 21st birthday starts to sink in. Fun!

We love Paula Abdul because she never fails to make us laugh. ...at how drunk she is.

Exclusive Video! David Hasselhoff's kid films him eating on the floor while warning him about not drinking any more booze that night, lest he lose his job. That's one sad dad.

Bill Murray was wasted at this New Orleans bar, and almost got into a fight – until some dude talked him down, and afterwards he bought everybody drinks! What a guy! AWESOME cellphone video!

I say she's drunk.

Johnny Knoxville is a funny guy. And a good friend.

Bob Clark, the director of "Christmas Story," was killed yesterday morning by a drunk driver. Hollywood mourns.

"The Fox" showed up at her DUI hearing looking as good as she ever has! (And not really that drunk)

The couple that parties together, eventually will have to enter rehab together. Welcome to L.A., Beckhams!!

These two make a fug-fabulous couple! Who's got the flask?

Fergie was TOO DRUNK TO FLY the other day when she tried to board a flight to L.A. from London. They wouldn't let her on, and she was falling over. (We presume she was sober enough when she did this Maxim shoot)

When you're in another galaxy and there's a Wookie in the passenger's seat beside you, don't drive drunk!