This morning a little after 2 AM, Lindsay Lohan was arrested on suspicion of DUI. She blew a .12 percent, and was later charged with possession of cocaine. Excellent work, Lindsay. Excellent.

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

Britney's doing her best Sydney Brisco impersonation, but unlike the real Alias spy, Spears sucks. Guess what Brit: we know it's you!

Stamos appeared on a British morning show, unshaven and apparently SLOSHED, but blamed it on "jet lag," which I'm guessing is the name of a delicious new vodka in England.

Nando's is a restaurant chain in Australia that features a spicy chili called Peri-Peri. Apparently Aussies think it's a good idea to humorously promote their "addictive" food with a stripper and a "replacement" patch for when you can't get to the 'strant.

LG's got the first footage of the Larry King Live interview with Paris Hilton! Best part: she's naked!

Never heard of this boy band before, but there's so much awkward sexuality going on here I don't know where to start. Maybe "interracial gay pedophilia" is a good place.

Here we can see the audition tape for a young boy practicing for American Idol. He isn't very good, so chances are he will win.

Paris drew a picture for the good folks at TMZ and they almost threw it out because they thought it was from a retarded fan. But then they noticed her spot-on signature, which she no doubt practiced signing for years all over her Trapper Keeper.

Hand-dance to Daft Punk's "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" – fast forward past the beginning; the lyrics are when the REAL magic happens!

Apparently they are too big for their own good! How nice!

Christina Aguilera is still swamped with rumors that she's three months pregnant, but one thing is for sure: she wants to get into acting! She's reading scripts; hopefully they're better than "Glitter," "Crossroads," and "From Justin to Kelly."

"Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K" is the actual name given to this very lucky newborn. The hospital birth announcement page can be viewed at: http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440

Stick figure animations are the best! Simple, to-the-point, and adorably bloody!!

There is sadness on Planet Unicorn – but it's a good thing!

I got an idea! I'll pull a li'l prank on my buddy while we're standing on the edge of this mountain! Sound good?

This inspiring crystal meth commercial was made by the good people at Procter & Gamble for their new line of DIY house-cleaning drugs.

Every celebutard heiress knows that a good pair of panties doubles as a cell phone holder!

Watch Suri Cruise, Sean Preston Spears, Moses Paltrow and Baby Bradgenlina in this parody of everybody’s favorite Saturday morning cartoon, The Muppet Babies.

Watch him dance! Watch him find romance! Feel better about the size of your pants!