Who knew that Chinese girls can be so scary! We thought it was up to the Japanese to freak the world out, but apparently not! In this video, a young girl stands like a total freakazoid in the entrance of a building and scares the ever-living crap out of people. it's a good hobby, especially in China because that place can be pretty boring sometimes. Even when you're not being scared by creepy girls.

Just kidding! She's not fat at all! In fact, she's probably anorexic! Her name is Brooklyn Decker, and she's married to that tennis player Andy Roddick - that guy who looks like Stifler, who is that guy in American Pie who wants to bang your mom.

Some quick facts about Brooklyn, who we're thinking about stalking (because why not!).

-She's 22-years-old

-She's giving you major bone right now

-She's on Twitter - which means it's easy to find reasons why she might be really annoying. Like this reason:

But then we stop looking at her Twitter feed and stumble upon photos like this and realize that we can put up with annoying people, so long as they look like the hottest freaking girl in the world.

But then we remember we're not Andy Roddick, and we don't have six-pack abs and our name isn't something awesome like The Situation. We slowly realize we're totally never going to bang Brookly Decker. Then we cry. Then we go to Subway and order some fatass sandwich, not the healthy ones that Jared orders. Then we go home, cry some more while looking at ourself in the mirror and then turn on the computer to try and find naked pictures of Brooklyn Decker on the internet.

Eventually we end up like this:

Go ahead. Get your Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue fix right here.

So you've finally seen the iPad and made a tampon joke or two about it. But if my gut is telling the truth, then we're all going to be dead when the people at Apple Corporate murder us with their lazer beam eyes. Seriously! Have you checked out that iPad video yet? Here are some stills:

Senior Vice President of Industrial Design Jonathan Ive is responsible for make the things at Apple pretty. However, his eyes can see through your underpants and shoot amazingly designed lazer beams at your face, so watch out.

After he's done eating all the meat on your bones, SVP of Hardware Bob Mansfield, will kidnap your 13-year-old nephew and try to play video games with him. Or he might appear in Crimson Tide 2 - SERIOUSLY GUYS, DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE THAT ONE GUY? JUST A LITTLE BIT?

Scott Forstall, SVP of iPhone Software, will stare at you from across the room until you're completely naked. I kid you not. He will not leave until then.

Okay, stop looking at them. You know what I'm talking about. This is getting a little childish right now.

Ready for your brain to be melted? We've found 4 of the craziest Optical Illusions on the internet. When I sent these to my Mom and her friends, they were blown away. Almost immediatly, all of them ran to their internets, fired up AOL 5.0 and sent off a chainletter to everyone they knew. Subject line: IF YOU DON'T SEND THESE OPTICAL ILLUSIONS TO TEN PEOPLE YOU'LL GET THE HERP. Such sweet people. But seriously, these are some of the best Optical Illusions anywhere and they'll leave you completely baffled. The mind, it's a crazy, miraculous thing. 

1. In this optical illusion, all of the grey lines are parallel to each other.

2. This is the same type of illusion as above. All of the lines are parallel to each other, and all of the boxes are correct squares with 90 degree angles.

3. See the squiggly black lines? Yeah, they're not squiggly. They are completely straight. Your mind: it's effing with you.

4. This is the optical illusion that really got us. That circle is not a circle. It's a Triangle. Don't believe us? Hold your head close to the screen and take a closer look. It's a freaking triangle, dude.

If you're going to watch a sloppy, drunken meth-head go on a car chase, you might as well watch this one. Why? Because it's FREAKING ZANY. What makes it zany!?! Benny Hill music, that's what. You can put Benny Hil music to Schindler's List and it will be the most hilarious thing in the world. In fact, we were just going to make a video of this to demonstrate but we just remembed we're Jewish.

I'm confused. What I really want to know is why nobody is bombed do death in this thing. I mean, I see lots of fire, a motorcycle, helicopter, some weird clown-looking dude who looks like he belongs in a Marilyn Manson video, but where are all the body parts flying everywhere. Everything about this video suggests that it should be absolute crap. I was really expecting Marissa Miller to be blown to pieces in this thing, but it just never happens. I always also expecting some sort of lame sidekick to pop up, or perhaps a talking robot. But none of that happened. Maybe this is a good thing? Could this be the first time that I've actually watched a Michael Bay directed film all the way through? I think it is. It's a freaking miracle.

Michael Bay, you are a genius.

Holy crap, you guys. You want to show the girl (or guy!) you want to bang that you're interested in them? Write them a love letter - using Google Docs! It works, just watch this video! Because seriously, when we think of love letters, we're sooooo 2K9 that paper and pencil - or even regular ol' email -- doesn't even cross our minds. No, we're from the future! We write with tools from the future! We collaborate online! Just like this dude here, who from what we can tell is a total virgin! I mean, who wears turquoise shirts! Virgins, that's who!