The Golden Snub-Nosed Monkey is surprisingly cute, despite having a Michael Jackson/Skeletor nose. Lookit the little guy!!

Persian bubble-butt babe and sex tape maker extraordinaire Kim Kardashian takes her ass for a walk in some plushy pants. It's like two fat kittens wrestling down there!

Jessica is the world's fattest child – and American. It's bizarre that this news story is done by German television, but it just makes me think of that chocolate-loving foreign exchange student on the Simpsons, and I giggle. P.S., you'll probably recognize her sofa-dance.

Somehow these girls agreed to sit on the merry-go-round while these guys spun it with a scooter. And no, it doesn't end pretty.

I can't imagine the number of painstaking hours it took to set this Goldberg-esque contraption throughout this house. This guy obviously doesn't play MMORPGs.

The question all women ask: do these pasties make me look fat?

Hard Gay is not the kind of guy you'd leave alone with your kids. So let's watch him try to make a little boy enjoy some food!

So all this time my enormous gut has been a defense mechanism? Oh, yeah, I totally did that on purpose.

Homer Simpson battles Family Guy's Peter Griffin in a video game! Techy shtuff: This is a recording of MUGEN, a 2D fighting game engine for the PC.

In the vein of the nerdy-popular retro-fitting craze, this guy converted his old NES system to house a DVD player. Then he made a video of it and shared it with the internets.

Cable guy!

This guy had his face removed because of a flesh-eating virus. His crazy wife still loves him.

Everyone knows Rusky Slovak commie meat-heads are a waste of vodka, but these two douches sucker-punch a guy's gal. They get theirs, though!

If you lose a limb, you gotta be positive about it. This guy just turned his handless arm into a huge finger! Try to pick your nose with that thing!!

This guy hits a tollbooth head-on at full speed... and the car explodes on impact!

This guy learned to parallel park from Evel Knievel.

She's still too fat – those ribs should be sharper. Chunko.

Caught On Tape: security camera footage inside a Quiznos. One guy punches out another guy. Apparently his sandwich wasn't toasty enough.

At first I thought that guy was a big-baby-dumbass, but then I realized he's just French!

And she stabs herself!