Helga Mohammed el-Salami Author Image

Dear Helga I Gained Weight

By: Helga Mohammed el-Salami
November 18 2009, 5:28 PM

Dear Helga,

I’ve always been fit, but recently, I’ve been stressed out and working a lot, and I’ve put on 10 pounds. I’m horrified by it, but my boyfriend says that he can’t tell the difference. I find that extremely hard to believe. Are guys really that nonchalant about weight?

Dear Tenner,

Of the few certainties in life, you can be certain of two things: 1.) men don’t fake orgasm – and 2.) are NOT nonchalant about YOUR weight.

Even though your BF may be carrying the last 50 beers he drank around his belly, your extra dime is a bigger crown of thorns for him than for you. But – he is wisely taking the passive approach – for now. He wants to see if you are really as horrified as you claim to be.

Get your tonnage back to the gym big-cheeks. You’re not following process. First you marry him and pop out 2.5 children THEN you can cut your hair, gain your weight, quit your job and whatever else you women do before settling on the couch for the next 30 years.  

Love,

Helga

Helga Mohammed el-Salami

Do you have a question that can only be answered by our uncircumcised, pre-operative transsexual? Write to him/her: helga@helgasmailroom.com

Or Visit: http://www.helgasmailroom.com

Or, better yet, get bent.

 

 
LG Staff Author Image

Pole Dance Makes Wedding Awesome

By: LG Staff
November 18 2009, 1:24 PM

 

 

Most weddings are boring. Not this one. This one is sexy and drunk and awesome.

Update: Some people at LG are saying this is fake. Even if, it's a big fail on both accounts.

 
Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Who Has The Best CGI/Animated Chesticles?

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 12 2009, 12:18 PM

In this month's Playboy Magazine, supernerd James Cameron said he designed his female Avatar aliens with breasts, even though they're not placental mammals (don't worry, we have no idea what that means either!). Since the movie cost around $500 million and it's in 3D, we can only hope that those boobs are so amazing they pop out of the screen and punch us in the face so hard they give us a black eye. We hope! But what if they aren't? Whose computer generated/animated boobs will you fall back on?

We've always been partial to Angelina Jolie in Beowulf, which you probably didn't see because the movie sucked. But damn, look! They even made her eyes look like she wants nothing to do with us, just like in real life!

 

Do you have any favorite computer generated characters? Share in the comments. Watch our 10 Sexiest Cartoon Characters if you need a little help deciding.

 
Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Reason Not To Have Kids #267

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 10 2009, 9:24 AM

Seriously, if your kid is just going to narc you out to their teacher, what good are they anyway? Kids are for tying your shoe laces, grabbing you a beer and that's about it. You shouldn't have to worry about them telling everyone they know that you earn money making it rain for perverts. LiquidGeneration's been making games and animations about boobs and Britney Spears' drunk butt for years, and our nephews still think we sell insurance. Seriously! Every time I come home for Christmas they never ask me how work's going because they feel sorry for me. Anyway, there's just some things your child shouldn't know and your stripper job is one of them. Also: never bring your work home with you.

(via Don Chavez)

 

Skeletor's Fantasy Boobs

Skeletor's Fantasy Boobs

Greetings slaves, it is I Skeletor bringing you Whoose Boobs, the only online game that is the rightful ruler of the Castle Boob-Skull!

 

Marisa Miller's Boobs Are Totally Rich

Marisa Miller's Boobs  Are Totally Rich

Here's Marisa wearing a 3 million dollar bra from Harlequin Fantasy Bra. Tell us: how did her boobs get so rich that they're able to afford such a luxury? I mean, all they do is just sit there and look awesome. Not fair!

 

Amy Winehouse Has Fake Ones

Amy Winehouse Has Fake Ones

Oh, look who got a new pair of boobs! And from the looks of it they fell right out of a gumball machine and onto her chest. Now we know Amy is rich, so why does it look like she has a cheap a boob job as that girl in high school who got addicted to crack, like, ten years later?

 

Whoose Boobs: Trick or Boobs

Whoose Boobs: Trick or Boobs

This year, instead of trick or treating, go bobbing for boobies!

 

Lindsay Lohan's Shoe Boobs

Lindsay Lohan's Shoe Boobs

We like it when Linday Lohan tries on shoes. And so do you.

 

Kush Support for Your Tatas

Kush Support for Your Tatas

If you have big boobs, you might need to put something between them that gives them support. It's a great, totally sexy idea! Not really!

 

Intoxicated Boobs

Intoxicated Boobs

These jugs have been drinking all day. It’s time you give them a Breathalyzer test.

 

The Great American Boobventure

The Great American Boobventure

Columbus discovered America! You can discover whoose boobs these are!

 

Does It All Hang Low?

Does It All Hang Low?

Do you remember that song you used to sing when you were a little kid about your boobs and butt and balls and how they all hang low? Well, we just rewrote it.

 

Boob Match #4

Boob Match #4

There is not better way to celebrate the new year than match celebrities with their boobs.

 

Boobies Are My Kind of Guy!

Boobies Are My Kind of Guy!

In honor of our 300th edition of Whoose Boobs, we created this awesome song and music video about boobs.

 

Whoose Boobs Week 131: Teen Queen Boobs

Whoose Boobs Week 131: Teen Queen Boobs

Whoose Boobs is the internet’s #1 celebrity boob game. We show you three boobs and you have to tell us who they belong to.

 

The Fake Head Prank

The Fake Head Prank

If you're going to poke your girlfriend, it better be worth it for her. This isn't one of those times.

 

Whoose Boobs: Marvel Boobs

Whoose Boobs: Marvel Boobs

A Fantastic Foursome of Ghost Riding boobies.

 
 
 

OTHER COOL STUFF