This week we celebrate the viruses that make sex just a little less fun. We salute you, STDs!

These boobs drink lots and lots of Metamucil.

We though we’d do the world some good and offer you the complete and uncensored Paris Hilton Sex Tape.

If you haven’t seen the Colin Farrell Sex Tape, now is your chance. And please note: No blowup dolls were harmed in this video, only humped.

Rummy really knows how to make those reporters pay attention to him. Gayness!

This week somebody kills Santa, Morgan Freeman stops racism, people search for Britney Spears on the internets and Kevin Federline drives a Ferrari. Not much going on.

Kids, this is what happens when you snort too much cocaine off a dead hooker's ass.

It's official. Some people have a fetish for dead people.

Wanna make your friend believe that somebody they know is a sick and nasty pervert who was once thrown in jail for being a sex offender?

Finally, Chewbacca becomes an American, TomKat has boring sex, Mary-Kate quits college, and other stuff we really can’t remember right now.

Spread some creamy suntan lotion on this sex broad and make sure she doesn't get too red.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Watch Brad and Jen sing about love, breaking up, and having sex just one last time. It’s a musical masterpiece.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Buy your tickets, get your candy, turn off your cellphones and stuff your face full of popping corn. It’s time to play the Movie Poster Game!

Have you ever wondered how your sex drive compares to other people? Looks like it's time to rate your sex drive!

The following movies are filled to the brim with references to genital warts, herpes, what have you. Watching them makes you not want to have sex.

We show you two celebs and you tell us who you'd rather…you know! Compare your results with the rest of our visitors to see how your tastes match up.

Buy your tickets, get your candy, turn off your cellphones and stuff your face full of popping corn. It’s time to play the Movie Poster Game!

Think you're hot stuff? Well find out for sure when you take this sex test.