Classic SNL skit where "Tom Brokaw" tapes possible outcomes if Gerald Ford were to die. I personally like the wild dogs attack.

Racism has been a very bad thing for society, but you may not know that racism also extends to gaming. For example, elves discriminate against dwarves, and humans don’t like orcs. It’s true!

Clean up around the house, gentlemen, or your lady could end up dead.

"How to tell if you have gay hands." I always thought my manicure was the dead giveaway.

Anna Nicole makes cash, Spinach makes you sick, and the Paparazzi makes Diaz’s day. Philip Norris has the stories, and he’s hopped up on “Cocaine.”

What if a frozen Jack Dawson came back from the dead and had to live life in the Future!?! Crazy!

These boobs drink lots and lots of Metamucil.

This week somebody kills Santa, Morgan Freeman stops racism, people search for Britney Spears on the internets and Kevin Federline drives a Ferrari. Not much going on.

Kids, this is what happens when you snort too much cocaine off a dead hooker's ass.

It's official. Some people have a fetish for dead people.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Buy your tickets, get your candy, turn off your cellphones and stuff your face full of popping corn. It’s time to play the Movie Poster Game!

Buy your tickets, get your candy, turn off your cellphones and stuff your face full of popping corn. It’s time to play the Movie Poster Game!

Remember that dead chick Chandra Levy? Yeah, we didn't either until we found this piece in our archives.