Never attack the man with the microphone.

Congrats to Goldie Hawn who hasn’t aged much in the last few years. However, just to be fair, she looked like s**t beforehand. Can’t get much worse than the walking dead.

There is so much sex oozing from this image. Don’t stare for too long, you will be overcome by hormones.

Just another one of many Maury guests that is terrified of something stupid. Peaches? Come on man! Eggplants, now THOSE are scary.

From the man who brought us Chocolate Rain, here comes Internet Dream. He better sign a contract pretty soon, its getting old already.

PingPing, the world's shortest adult got to meet Bao Xishun, the world's tallest man. Then they made sweet, sweet love.

The world's tallest man meets the world's smallest man. Why? Because Normals love to giggle.

For the modern Japanese business man! This guy uses his commute time to get some much needed dental work done.

This news footage (Spanish?) shows a street fight between five men – they guy in all black takes on the other four! Awesome!

This possibly-homeless creep decided he had to go *so bad* that he dropped trou and $#@t in a planter. Classy.

This man had a rare condition known as "fetus-in-fetus," wherein an non-survived twin became a calcified mass in his belly. WARNING: gross!!

I bet the 30 seconds it would have taken to put on his pants might have spared him *some* humiliation. And scrapes.

Persian bubble-butt babe and sex tape maker extraordinaire Kim Kardashian takes her ass for a walk in some plushy pants. It's like two fat kittens wrestling down there!

Some business jerk goes absolutely berserk (like our rhyming style??) 'cause some Ian dude didn't show up for a meeting. Possibly very well-staged video, but he's still a hilarious d!©khead.

A semi truck fell right on top of a small car, and rescuers had to use a crane and the jaws of life to get to him. The most amazing part – he walks away!

Maury tackles all the tough issues that plague Society, especially bizarre niche phobias. First there was pickle girl, now there's Cottonball Man.

Actually, you're not authorized to enter through the gate, but they don't care if you just walk up the stairs. It's an important gate.

This guy had his face removed because of a flesh-eating virus. His crazy wife still loves him.

...And he's still an ugly man. Booyah!

Does someone hear the ice cream man? Yeah, he's over there – run! Hurry, run! Oh– O NOES! HE MELTED!