Michael McDonald never cracks a smile, making him the antithesis of Jimmy Fallon.

Have a cup of coffee with Vin Diesel and his band of cracked-out celebrity friends like Leonardo Di Caprio, Martin Scorsese, Julia Roberts and more!

Sisquo has pulled himself out of the gutter for another round LG’s Celebrity Thong Quiz. Try and guess who’s butt crack is rocking that thong!

Apparently losing enough weight to make you look like a crack-ho inspired Jenna to plump up her face with 5 gallons of collagen. Desperation takes its toll, Jenna....

Smoke weed, listen to Sonny & Cher. Smoke crack, listen to Pete & Kate. Makes sense.

We looked for strechmarks on Britney Spears' butt and we couldn't find any. Her body really snapped back!

Lost is back so we’re celebrating the island coconuts you’d really like a crack at.

It's time for you're favorite music game. Open up your ears and crack open a PBR. You're going to love this.

When you crack open this piñata, little US Army men fall out! Let's inspect it for WMDs!

She's flexible, he's amazed, I'm cracking the hell up. Everybody wins!

She was just looking for change after we dropped a quarter down her crack.

Nothing is better for lunch than a little crack in your sandwich! Deeeelicious!

Lance is out, Al Qaida wants war, and the Tour De France is a crack house. Philip Norris is on the scene – unless he gets hit by the Girls Gone Wild bus.

You know you shouldn't do crack when a chronic masturbater tells you so.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.