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And he is shufflin'.
The objective of any social situation is to make everyone else feel dumb and always have the last word. Here are a few issues to discuss at tonight's dinner engagement, and a couple ways you can be a pompous, know-it-all prick when talking about them.
Talking Point: Obama's Asia trip was a disaster!
Anyone who brings this up is probably referring to Monday's Slate article written by Eliot Spitzer. But you don't have the schooling to discuss international politics! Divert attention from the real issue by taking a cheap shot at Spitzer for the prostitution scandal (which I'd estimate is still 2 years away from being stale) by doing something like pretending to confuse Spitzer with Charlie Sheen, then exclaiming "Oh sorry, I can't imagine how I mixed those two up!" to peals of laughter. Fair warning, though, in the wrong crowd this could lead to an earnest discussion of Two and a Half Men.
Talking point: Prince William is marrying a commoner!
Key know-it-all prick info: The notion that British royals are bound to marry other royals is actually false (note the use of the word "actually" here. "Actually" is a really good way to sound like a know-it-all prick). They've been marrying outside their own ranks for years. And thank god, because they were becoming known for their inbreeding. As for any issues the Queen has about the marriage, whip this one out: According to George Bernard Shaw in Pygmalion, "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him"! Everyone is sure to laugh uproariously at this, and you'll be remembered for the most deftly applied Shaw quote of the season!
Time Traveler in Chaplin Movie
In Charlie Chaplin's film "The Circus," a woman in the background looks like she’s on a cell phone.
In Charlie Chaplin's film "The Circus," a woman in the background looks like she’s on a cell phone.
His role models seem to be Criss Angel and Marilyn Manson.
Sophia Monk Is Famous For Being Hot
We have no idea why she's famous other than the fact that when you look at her it's like you're seeing an angel. An angel with a hot ass and really nice boobs.
Celebrity Douchesicles
Kanye West, Michael Phelps, Spencer Pratt, Criss Angel and every Douchebag's favorite clothing line Ed Hardy all hang out on New Year's Eve and douche it up!
Charlie Alba
Jessica Alba posed as Charlie Chaplin for a recent photo shoot because she was told to not because she had any idea whom he was.
Criss Angel Mindfreaks Humanity
Even New Jersey can't be held accountable for Criss Angel anymore, he truly is on a level all his own.
Michael Jordan vs. The Sheens
In what is most likely "the greatest athletic competition you never knew existed", Martin & Charlie Sheen play basketball against Michael Jordan way back in 1988.
How to Manipulate 3D
A simple, easy to figure out illusion, is far easier to watch than almost anything Criss Angel pulls out of his greasy hair.
Snow Angels Trailer
In theaters 3-7-08. A couple that have separated are each attempting to pick up the threads of a future when they are dealt a further blow that leads to a dark conclusion. And a somewhat-nerdy young man in the throes of discovering a first romance must also deal with the separation and consequent strife of his parents' failed relationship.
Logan, the Sky Angel Cowboy!
This is a tear jerker...and a heart warmer. It's a remarkable phone call from a 12-yr-old boy to a Houston radio station.
Charlie Wilson's War Trailer
In theaters 12-25-07. Based on George Crile's book about the CIA's largest and most successful covert CIA operation, the arming of the Mujahedeen in Afghanistan. The covert ops were engineered by Charlie Wilson a charismatic, wheeler-dealer, liberal Texas congressman who teamed with a rogue CIA operative. The two manipulated Congress, the CIA and a host of foreign governments in order to assist the Afghan rebels in their fight against the Soviets in the 1980s. Many of the men armed by the CIA went on to become the Taliban's enforcers and Osama bin Laden's protectors.
Upskirt Mouse Pad
Charlie boy has had plenty of accusations slung against him by his crazy wife Denise. However, when photos of this perverted mouse pad showed up, all fingers pointed to the Sleaze.