Some of you may know that besides writing blog posts about teen superstars and my eventual relationship with Dakota Fanning, I am also a screenwriter. I have written four feature screenplays, and of course, like 99% of all screenwriters, no one has even ever volunteered to read one of my scripts, much less produce it or air it a global television network (not even Spike).

Now, I wouldn't call any of my scripts works of total genius. They have mostly been exercises in futility with the hope of honing a skill that I can later sell to other poor schmucks that think that their story is worth seeing brought to life by Zach Efron and Suri Cruise (Silly Saturday rated PG for simulated farting noises). This said, I do think that all of my scripts are entertaining, and are better, more interesting than something say... A MONKEY COULD PUT TOGETHER! But I guess some "chaps," or more so, some "chimps,"  over at the BBC would disagree.

Apparently some chimpanzees have made a movie, and the BBC is going to air it despite a very weak plot line, worse cinematography than "Death Proof," and a total and blatant disregard for a hundred years of film making. Breaking the rules is something every aspiring filmmaker should try, but you have to understand the rules you are breaking to be groundbreaking.

Of course, just like James Cameron's Avatar, people are going to ignore all these flaws because of the fact that the chimps were using a new and special "chimp-proof camera" camera or "chimpcam." So what?! I've got a "chimp-proof camera." It's called a Flip HD.

Where can I go from here? I have hit rock bottom. I will never amount to anything. Maybe I should just start writing my outlines and treatments with my own poop.

Seriously, guys, chimps, bros, I'd love to work with you guys. I really respect your work and I have an outline for a ten movie series about a monkey named HAX. The whole thing is very high concept, so I can't say anything else without a deal in place. You love bananas. I love bananas. We could run this town. It's gonna be... bananas. Oh yeah, I definitely think we can get Gwen Stefani on board to do the soundtrack... yeah, and Ryan Gosling has already expressed interest.

"Take your stinking paws off my film industry, you damn dirty chimps!"  -Chuck McCarthy

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration today! 

A few months ago, I started doing a thing called Taste Test Tuesday. Every Tuesday, I try to taste some sort of  new and different restaurant or food. I showed, but didn't taste this candy, Juicy Drop Pop, in one of my latest videos.

Though most people didn't think twice about Juicy Drop Pop, one of my friends did some deeper digging, and using "Sight Beyond Sight" a.k.a. Google, she found a website for this candy.

This website features a commercial for Juicy Drop Pop that is well... see what Media Bites had to say in the most academic terms.

They tiptoe around this in the Media Bites breakdown of the spot, but I can only describe the commercial that they have up on the Juicy Drop Pop website as CANDY PORN. They even call it "Hardcore Candy," and don't even get me started on the Ed Hardy tramp-stamp tribal tattoo designs blanketing the website.

It's been a long time since I have seen something that made me feel so dirty... and if you know anything about me, you know that, that is saying a lot!

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

Yesterday PETA unveiled the latest ad for its "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign, featuring Bethenny Frankel, member of People with Extraordinarily Little Talent Society (PELTS).

My Cheetah-lined hat is off to you, PETA, because your ads continue to intrigue me. I find myself thinking, as I cut into my still-mooing T-Bone, "Who is PETA's demographic?" Considering your recent choice of spokespeople, I can only assume that your research, presumably conducted by underpaid monkeys at typewriters, shows that your core audience is people invested in reality television. How else can you justify burning our retinas with the likes of Steve-O, Khloe Kardashian, and Karina Smirnoff? (You know it's bad when your last name is a brand and they still don't want you.)

It makes sense though. PETA's invasive studies done on bunnies, show that reality TV viewers are far less intelligent people who can be more easily swayed into giving up those necessary extravagances like fitted Dalmatian tees adorned with hamster noses, and squirrel-tail tampons.

And as for the rest of us, the nod-and-wink, upper-crust "Adult Swim" viewer? Manatee flippers make for a lovely corset.

Looks like you in 15 years, doesn't it?

So Golf Digest got themselves into quite an awesome predicament. It seems their January issue features both Tiger Woods AND Barack Obama on the cover - together. They're practically humping each other. Really. This a great thing for Tiger. Appearing on the cover with Obama makes him appear like he's getting his stuff together, you know, hangin' out with the Commander in Chief, totally not hooking up with chicks as he's playing a round of golf. But it's a bad thing for Obama. Who wants to appear with a dude who's banged a third rate porn star? We would, but we're sleazy like that. Anyway, we want to make Obama's problem worse. Here are the new Golf Digest covers we came up with featuring the two BFFs.

(click here to see the third cover after the jump)

I'm confused. What I really want to know is why nobody is bombed do death in this thing. I mean, I see lots of fire, a motorcycle, helicopter, some weird clown-looking dude who looks like he belongs in a Marilyn Manson video, but where are all the body parts flying everywhere. Everything about this video suggests that it should be absolute crap. I was really expecting Marissa Miller to be blown to pieces in this thing, but it just never happens. I always also expecting some sort of lame sidekick to pop up, or perhaps a talking robot. But none of that happened. Maybe this is a good thing? Could this be the first time that I've actually watched a Michael Bay directed film all the way through? I think it is. It's a freaking miracle.

Michael Bay, you are a genius.

The real story here isn't whether or not Hannah Montana is swearing, it's whether or not the reporter in the video KNOWS HE'S YELLING INTO THE MICROPHONE. PLEASE, IT'S TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR OUR EARS TO BE HURTING THIS MUCH. KTHXBAI.

THIS IS A LIE! I LIE I TELL YOU! SOMEBODY PHOTOSHOPPED THIS THING! I HATE YOU! I HATE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!

I BET THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS JUST HATE TRANNYS AND THOSE WHO LOOK LIKE THEM! DAMN YOU, INTERNET!

WHATEVER,

Lady Gaga

3===)

(via cakeheadlovesevil)