Persian bubble-butt babe and sex tape maker extraordinaire Kim Kardashian takes her ass for a walk in some plushy pants. It's like two fat kittens wrestling down there!

Have a cup of coffee with Vin Diesel and his band of cracked-out celebrity friends like Leonardo Di Caprio, Martin Scorsese, Julia Roberts and more!

Beyonce's performance at the BET awards was completely unmemorable, save for the fact that she DRESSED AND ACTED LIKE A FREAKIN' GOLDEN ROBOT! Why, bootylicious lady, WHY??

Dear lord Michelle Marsh is running topless down the beach. If it were nearly any other woman on the planet, save Star Jones, it would be hot. But those "fun"-bags are like sacks of wet meat your step-dad is about to slug you with.

Some business jerk goes absolutely berserk (like our rhyming style??) 'cause some Ian dude didn't show up for a meeting. Possibly very well-staged video, but he's still a hilarious d!©khead.

...on her boobs. But who doesn't?

Follow the greats like Axl Rose and Tommy Lee and get yourself in fighting shape with the Heavy Metal Diet. Side effects include alcoholism, herpes and heroin addiction.

There's a special place in my heart for cholas, but there's an ever more special place in my lowrider.

I like street performers that actually bring something new to the table, to make me appreciate their disadvantaged-ness. Like playing an instrument with your feet.

Looks like OJ admitted to the murders a long time ago!

This life-like horse sculpture is made entirely out of driftwood! Beautiful, majestic, and safe from becoming dog food!

Someone was having fun with the arrangement of this sectional couch. Now if only they'd made a couch that looks like a womb....

Someone got into a decidedly unfunny fender-bender with Ellen, on Sunset across from the Laugh Factory. Celebrities – they're just like us!

Jessica Biel posed in a bikini at the beach for GQ magazine. I like!

All your life one question has plagued you: “What character from the popular 80’s cartoon show Transformers am I most like?” Well take this quiz and wonder no more!

Nothing says "Hallmark moment" like a little father-son bonding.

Johnny hit the jackpot this summer when he realized he could fill freezer bags with grass-clippings and make a fortune selling weed to Jr. High kids.

"I've Got A Crush on Obama" - This politically-minded hottie has just one candidate on her mind – and she wants to Barack him like a hurricane!

Does the car hit the old lady, or does the old lady hit the car? It's like Zen, y'all.

If you squint your eyes just right, he looks just like my grampa. Hi Grampa!!!