Christina: You have boobs. Show them.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

But lay off the clown makeup, girly. Batman isn't out to get you.

Oh, that's perverted. (Once you see it you'll spit bricks!)

Here is Kelly, vacationing in LA with her boobs and butt. That's all we need to say because we don't even think you're looking at these words at this point.

Oh, little puppy! Aren't you glad you're not Paris Hilton's? Oh, yes you are! Oh yes you are!

Oh, Mr. Cameron. You didn't just rip off Delgo, did you? (Psst! That's awesome! We secretly love that movie!"

Sometimes the internet just knows the right things to say.

For those of you who need help following this amazing song you loved to listen to back in the day when you were high on cocaine.

Don't cry, Emo Boy. You will fail at something else some day.

The fact that you can write a check on her butt doesn't mean you don't fantasize about her reject you.

We have no idea why she's famous other than the fact that when you look at her it's like you're seeing an angel. An angel with a hot ass and really nice boobs.

I won't let myself fall asleep these days because I'm worried I'll have nightmares about this"

Her hips will check you and throw you to the ground.

You mean he didn't bang Alba? That's the only reason to be happy these days.

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

But really, who cares? Older chicks are awesome and if you don't realize that you're probably and idiot anyway.

If you're even close to hot you should do what you can to get this costume and bring it to the Harry Potter premiere this week.

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

Nice dental work.