Part of us is jealous and we wish this would happen to our foot. It would be a great way to spend the afternoon.

Just kidding. We don't know if Lohan does meth, she probably doesn't. But we certainly know she has a meth face, which is the WORST kind of face if you're going to have any face at all.

A review of "Enemy of the State" that is just about the best thing ever.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

We're sorry for ever making fun of you, Jessica. We mean it this time. You're not fat. You're not a lardass. You're amazing, and so are your boobs. They are what makes you amazing. Long live Jessica Simpson, long live her boobs.

This is officially the last Tay Zonday joke ever. We swear!

Nothing helps you lose weight faster than looking at pictures of celebrities in the best and worst moments.

If you're marrying a whore, you might want to show her this dress.

Don't Z-list celebrities ever get tired of showing us their panties?

That's not where you put the books silly girl, you're blocking our view. Also what'd Will Turner ever do to deserve this?

One of the side effects of taking the Red Pill is you will never ever get a tan.

Blake Lively in a bikini is proof positive that Gossip Girl needs to be set somewhere tropical if we're ever going to watch. Oh, and Hi Maria Menounos!

If your last name is Jolie-Pitt, you're having the best childhood ever.

She was actually visiting her Goddaughter, dumbest parents ever?

And that's not even why John Mayer dumped it her, it gets worse apparently.

He's a Scottish cabbie who moonlights as Rambo's sidekick.

Since it has literally become unthinkable that people will ever feel sympathy and "Leave Britney Alone", think of the poor dog that has to live through this.

There are worse jobs than being the guy who fondles Alessandra Ambrosio to get her bikini just right.

This is the closest most of you will ever come to sex, enjoy it.

Cyber skin removed, this is what Tom really looks like. No self respecting gay man should ever let himself get this fat. Queericide, it’s the only answer.