Want to hook up with Jesus.

Now shut up.

Her butt makes us want to cry happy tears just to know something like it exists in this horrible world.

It doesn't even make sense to hate Clooney these days because you will never topple his ability to score the greatest looking females on the planet. Just accept it and move on. We've been studying Buddhism, dudes. You can stare at Elisabetta Canalis forever if you want to. But for us, it's time to chillax. Later.

We're not going to lie: this totally made us want to run to the bathroom, turn off the lights and hope to God nobody hears us.

But she wants to spit in your face first.

Yes, she's one of our favorites. And yes, we don't know who that dude is standing next to her but we want to punch him in the face and steal Sophia away.

When we want to be a douchebag, we go to a pool party and sit like this, too.

...or she wants to lick Quentin Tarantino's face. Which is it?

Just kidding, fatso, she wants to give this guy a massage.

She's Brazilian, she's tabloid famous and what you really want to know, her butt measures 46 inches all the way around. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it if that's at all possible given the size constraints.

Is that a penis or alien growing out of Kelly Ripa's stomach? Please, let us know, at it will help decide how hard we want to hurl.

Yes, Anna Kournikova is looking at your love handles and thinking she definitely doesn't want to bang you.

You so want to bone Audrina's bones, don't you?

Oh Katy, you're just forcing us to want you really, really bad.

Love or hate her, you all want to bang her.

We like the fact that some girls are just known for having slutty big boobs.

And by something we mean her chestickles.

...the blood out of you!!! Watch out for her teeth...and her boyfriend from Sum 41. That dude will slap you if you mess with Avril!

Don't you just want to eat him?