For oh so many reason, we love the world's greatest funny-lady. But reason #1 right now: she makes us jealous of this gorilla suit.

Lindsay frolicked in the ocean with British boyfriend Calum Best over the weekend, and her nipple tried to escape her bikini. Lucky us.

Paris is getting into shape before prison, and luckily for us man-lovers, her trainer is SUPER hot!!

I bet she even has a yeast infection like us, too.

The jury is out for some, but for those of us who've been following the recent growth of the celebutard's lady-pillows, I think she's gotten something done.

The wax figures of Victoria Adams and David Beckham were recently draped in American flags to celebrate their recent move to the US. Yay, more big-tittied tarts and their super-studly metrosexual man=meat in L.A.!

For the little kid in all of us.

When you crack open this piñata, little US Army men fall out! Let's inspect it for WMDs!

Even dispite her recent image makeover, Tara Reid wants us to know she's still partying 'til she falls down.

Who didn't tell us about the party in the bathroom!?!?!

For some reason this fat viking chick is really turning us on. Or maybe it's her sexy bicycle!?!

We'd like to believe this was our car. And we'd like to believe that our girlfriend had those boobs. Ah, she's going to break up with us.

Please, tell us this picture isn't photoshoped. Please!

We want to know WHO did this girl's hair. Fantasic Sams and Boricks is so not doing it for us anymore.

We'd scream too if we thought John Travolta from Battlefield Earth was holding us.

We have no idea what this chart signifies, but it made us laugh anyway.

Stop making fun of her. She thinks she's protecting us agains Osama bin Laden.

Okay, how did somebody get a picture of us installing our new graphics card?