Not even a stuff bear will make Suri happy about having Tom Cruise as a father.

Tom Cruise can almost walk under her legs.

Katie Holmes is simply excited because Tom Cruise isn't by her side.

For all you ladies with Maverick fantasies, this is why he was cast, pilots are tiny.

Tom Brady is watching you young man, he's watching you like the Jets in Cover-2.

Cyber skin removed, this is what Tom really looks like. No self respecting gay man should ever let himself get this fat. Queericide, it’s the only answer.

Wait a minute.. Who wants their teeth to get darker?

… is not like the others. Poor little pasty Jan Brady got lost amongst a sea of breasticles. She needed some of that fake Britney ab tan.

Tom Cruise and Katie "Robot" Holmes have used the power of Xenu to fast forward time to see what their beautiful baby girl will look like. My eyes… my eyes.

A world-renowned gay bar caught fire this week. In typical fashion, the gays used it as en excuse to party and freak out the squares. Tom Cruise had no comment.

Tom & Katie boogied their butts off at the Beckhams "Welcome to America" party – apparently the chicken dance makes Tom sweat!

They're not the Adam's Family, not the Munsters, and not even the Brady Bunch. They are the Weird Family! Weird!