Or at least a well staged photograph.

Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

Proving once again that people are stupid and Google is awesome.

100% more Annoying or a 100% Fierce? We'd like to punch her in the face either way - in a total non-wife-beat-y sort of way!

It doesn't even make sense to hate Clooney these days because you will never topple his ability to score the greatest looking females on the planet. Just accept it and move on. We've been studying Buddhism, dudes. You can stare at Elisabetta Canalis forever if you want to. But for us, it's time to chillax. Later.

We look and look and look at this photo but we have NO idea whether or not she has gut. Are we blind? Or do we just expect our bikini guts these days to be as flat as flat can be? We're picking up a Victoria Secret catalog to find out.

And if you're nice she might even show you that she's wearing no panties.

Here's an alleged screen shot of the Jimmy Kimmel sex tape. It's okay if you don't believe it exists, because it probably doesn't. We hope it doesn't.

She's still hot with or without clothes.

We just found the perfect pillow.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

Even though we would never be caught dead reading GQ Magazine (for fear that it will make us start dressing better!). But if they continue to populate that magazine with pictures like this, we'll get a lifetime subscription.

This little iPhone app will convert your texts into supper annoying Kanye texts.

A review of "Enemy of the State" that is just about the best thing ever.

Justin Timberlake has a nice rack. I bet his ass is pretty awesome, too.

Thank God for the internet. Thank God for TwitPic. If @kimkardashian didn't love to get almost naked so much these things would just be too boring for us. Here's Kim showing off her body as she gets it ready for a Quick Trim shoot.

This Real Housewife of Atlanta Super MILF is so about gay rights she's showing her boobs. Which makes sense! Boobs = GAY IS AWESOME, or something.

She must suck blood or something because those eyes definitely say "I'M NOT HUMAN. THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT ME."

Don't cry, Emo Boy. You will fail at something else some day.

I won't let myself fall asleep these days because I'm worried I'll have nightmares about this"