You know your night is gonna be crazy, when you hook up with this chick.

Friends. They are awesome. Except when they are a-holes.

We like it when Linday Lohan tries on shoes. And so do you.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

When we want to be a douchebag, we go to a pool party and sit like this, too.

For those of you who need help following this amazing song you loved to listen to back in the day when you were high on cocaine.

Rebecca Gayheart and her boyfriend, Dr. McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy, were o vacation on a boat when she felt the need to inspect his all-beef thermometer. And a little boy was only 5 feet away.

We have no idea why she's famous other than the fact that when you look at her it's like you're seeing an angel. An angel with a hot ass and really nice boobs.

This is what happens when you shoot your child out of a cannon and onto a Slip N' Slide. Failtastic!

This is how classy we are when we pick up chicks.

Obama might be gay...at least according to the Globe, who we believe almost 100% of the time when we're really drunk.

Somebody call Orkin.

Send this to your friends when they're stoned. Trust us.

Believe it or not, they're related. Is how Jessica Alba's going to look when she's 50. Hopefully not.

When you reach a certain age, things start falling apart. Jenny, we're going to miss you.

Paris kept her promises and immediately opened a shelter for women when she was released from jail. Here you can see her passing out soup to the needy. What a heart of gold!

She's definitely less annoying when you can see half her boobs.

We totally wear her outfit when we're cleaning out the gutters, too.

We're very happy that Lindsay Lohan's gotten her figure back. Remember when she was skinny? Those were dark days.

Do try as hard as these two when getting your picture taken?