We're not going to lie: this totally made us want to run to the bathroom, turn off the lights and hope to God nobody hears us.

We'd hit it. DON'T JUDGE US.

It's good to know that even though she's been out of the limelight, Jessica Simpson still has her boobs. That just lets us know the world doing alright.

Check out the new Jessica Simpson Garbage Fail Kid. Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog! Come back for more week after week!

We're sorry for ever making fun of you, Jessica. We mean it this time. You're not fat. You're not a lardass. You're amazing, and so are your boobs. They are what makes you amazing. Long live Jessica Simpson, long live her boobs.

It seems like all the weight just goes to her boobs. And her face. And arms. Ass. Legs. Stomach. Jesus H. Christ, this girl's a hot mess.

Jessica Simpson has lost about 30 pounds, and has obviously be working out – she's got the calves to prove it!

Lucky microphone.

It looks like Jessica Simpson might have gained some weight now that nobody really cares about her anymore. Unless she's just pregnant, which will make us care about her even less.

Jessica is as happy about her boobs as you are.

Obviously this is a thinly veiled blow job joke, the question is does Jessica realize that?

Ashlee Simpson's pregnancy has created what will be an epic "Boob-off" between Ashlee and Jessica, Master of Incest, Joe Simpson, of course will be the referee.

Finally she remembered she's Jessica's sister and that boobs are the family's trademark.

Tony Romo, there is no way to have blue-icing make outs and a respectable NFL career, it's just not possible.

And that's not even why John Mayer dumped it her, it gets worse apparently.

Take it from us, some things are better off left animated.

She sure has a type.

Thats no POW, that is a POA (piece of ass). Jessica Simpson visited the troops to raise........um, moral?

Most of Texas blames Jessica Simpson for the Cowboys demise and wearing their hat before the Super Bowl is salt in the wounds.

Jessica Simpson looks like a dumb Muppet from Fraggle Rock. All she is missing is a dunce cap and a catchy song about dyslexia.