Or at least a well staged photograph.

The Sacremento Kings dancers are being "disciplined" for getting drunk and taking sexy pics. And the NBA wonders why no one watches.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

If you're even close to hot you should do what you can to get this costume and bring it to the Harry Potter premiere this week.

We're suddenly turned on by the lazy, furry cat.

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!

Avert your eyes!?! Get sexy with yourself!?! We can't tell what's going on here either.

We really don't know why strippers are allowed to have kids if they can't match their shoes.

Here's Larry Wachowski, the director of The Matrix. His name is now Lana and he wears your mom's underwear.

Oksana Pochepa is the Russian pop star who's allegedly banging Mel Gibson. We salute you, Mel Gibson. Girls who don't speak English are sexy.

Yeah, we think Barbie is a lot sexier than Mickey Mouse, too.

That's some sexy makeup!

Believe it or not, they're related. Is how Jessica Alba's going to look when she's 50. Hopefully not.

Not the most sexy picture of Kim Kardashian, especially with all that farting going on.

Even my mom knows this one.

Nothing turns us on more than man hands and alien face.

At the lunch table we always trade our Cool Ranch Doritos for Fried Pig.

Christian Bale was recently arrested for allegedly assaulting his mom and sister. He blamed it on Batman.

Well actually it's just her head Photoshopped onto the box, kind of like how we Photoshop her head into pictures we send home to Mom and say she's our girlfriend.

The most shocking thing is not how sexy she looks at age 16, it's how shockingly 90s the photo backdrop is.